Every Wednesday you can find me over at Adventures in Writing.
Today I talk about women, books and voice.
Every Wednesday you can find me over at Adventures in Writing.
Today I talk about women, books and voice.
Posted in Characterization, Plot, Setting, The Craft | Tags: Adventures in Writing
Almost daily, you get gems like this: MIND MELD: Which SF/F Books Have The Best and Worst Endings?
All I can say is, Ditto.
If you write speculative fiction, this article is pure goodness. GOODNESS I SAY!
I haven’t posted in awhile. Anytime my current contract is ending, there is a flurry of activity at work, followed by a flurry of activity at work when I transition to a new contract.
Such is life as a consultant. I promise to post soon. I have more topics then I have time to post on, which is good, right?
Posted in Not Exactly Random | Tags: the day job
Every Wednesday, like an older gentleman on fiber, you can find me over in Adventures in Writing.
Today, I talk about murder mysteries and how not all dead bodies are created equal.
Posted in The Craft | Tags: Adventures in Writing, dead bodies, Murder Mystery, uses of fiber
I like to believe, as a male writer, I write a good female protagonist. In my Investigator Lexus Toulouse sci-fi murder mysteries, Lexus is a three-dimensional character that seems to resonate with my female readers in a way that I don’t quite understand.
Actually, I take that back. Part of the reason I can write a three-dimensional female character is because I have done research pertaining to women in lawn enforcement, and I’ve met female police officers while on duty while doing this research.
Research is vital. It is not enough to look into the heart of a female character and try to bring that to the page. The setting and plot details need a basis in reality. Lee Lofland writes to this in his latest, “Female Police Officers: Are They Really Wimpy, Or Do You Just Write Them That Way?” This article really resonates with me, because Lee often gives great tips around certain themes, themes that appear in his blog over and over again. Essentially, what he tells his blogs readers is to write life as it is, rather than life as you think it is.
Sound familiar? It should. Rachelle said the same thing:
“I get the feeling many people are so saturated with media (books, TV, movies) that they are writing not from life but from their perception of life as shown in media. They’re writing stories I’ve seen and heard a hundred times before.”
Rachelle Gardner, Literary Agent: Fiction Writing: Craft and Story
Back to Lexus (because, this post is all about me, me, me, me), Lexus is a flawed individual. You can make a compelling argument that she is mired in psychosis. She certainly suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, and obsessive-compulsive behavior. She has an addiction-prone personality.
These are flaws.
Lexus is also an emotional creature. She has a deep sympathy for people with problems and a strong intolerance for injustice. She takes injustice personally. She approaches problems with logic, but does not have tight reigns on her empathy. She feels. She feels a lot. As a woman, she has feminine emotions.
This is not a flaw. That is part of her strength. Too often, I read characters where the author went out of her way to make sure I, as a reader, understood the character was not flawed because she had boobs and lacked a penis. Yet the character is still a cliché; essentially she is an immature girl compensating for being female.
There is strength in femininity, just as there is strength in masculinity. I can write the strong female main character because I play on my strengths: observation and research. Sometimes I write the obvious in a way that is appealing to women simply because I’m an outsider and am providing a fresh, outsider voice.
Or something like that. I don’t fully understand it. I’m certainly not blazing new territory. My running theory: women are powerful creatures. As technology progresses and makes physical strength not even worthy of a secondary characteristic, the era of the woman may be upon us.

Posted in Characterization, Plot, Setting, The Craft | Tags: Lee Lofland, Lexus Toulouse mysteries, Rachelle Gardner
“Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration, thereby those important events of the past usually associated with someone’s death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, a celebration of a nice holiday, I thought we could mark this November the 5th, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat.
“There are of course those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now, orders are being shouted into telephones, and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn’t there? Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission.
“How did this happen? Who’s to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you’re looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror.”
—V in V for Vendetta

Posted in Not Exactly Random | Tags: V for Vendetta
Every Wednesday you can find me over at Adventures in Writing.
Today I talk about NaNoWriMo and time spent editing a novel.
Head on over My Pretties!
Posted in The Craft | Tags: Adventures in Writing
Princess Lexus is on an undercover assignment. Perhaps sending Lexus undercover in a pre-voc school filled with cute boys was a bad idea.
***
Lee is picking me up, that’s sweet.
Scott tosses him something. Lee catches it and looks at the cylinder.
It’s a 12-guage shotgun shell filled with birdshot.
Oh my God. I can feel myself turning five shades of red.
“Sir?” says Lee, not understanding.
“If you ever make my daughter cry like that again, the next two will be coming a lot faster,” Scott says in a quiet voice that sends a chill down my spine, and I blew up Europe.
Lee swallows, but then composes himself. “Aye, aye, Major.”
“Good man,” says Scott, smiling. “You two stay out of trouble.” He waggles his finger at me. “No drugs, keep your pod on check-in mode.”
I manage not to roll my eyes. “Yes, Scott.” I reach up and kiss him on the cheek. Awwwwww, the big softie.
As I turn and leave, he swats me on the butt.
I hurry out the door. Damn it, everyone leave my ass alone!
***
At first, I had made up my mind that I would not let him kiss me. That making out with a Child while on an undercover assignment is unethical.
But he is so damn cute.
Still, not going to do it.
We’re at the punch bowl, and Lee leans over and whispers in my ear:
“How many of the Princess’s spouses does it take to change a light panel?”
Hey now!
“Uh, I don’t know, Lee, how many of the Princess’s spouses does it take to change a light panel?”
“Three. One to hold it in place, the other to use the screwdriver, and the third to convince Lexus that the light panel is already married.”
I burst out laughing and he gives me a cheesy grin.
He tells me Princess jokes all night, many of them very naughty. For some reason, they crack me up to no end and my side starts hurting from laughing so much.
Fuck it, I deserve kisses. It’s not like I’m going to sleep with him.
Right?
Right!
So during one slow-dance, when he feels very good with his arms wrapped around me, I press into him, ignore his poor erection, and part my lips slightly.
Oh my God he is a terrible kisser.
I pull away from his lips and look him in the eyes.
—Lee, don’t kiss me like that.
—Oh, sorry.
He looks like I just kicked him in the balls. Ops.
—Don’t apologize. We’re slow dancing. You want to slow dance with my tongue. Don’t stick yours in there and start wiggling it around. Don’t dart. Go slow. Caress me. Pet me. Explore me. Worship me. Don’t think, just do. Kiss me. Slowly.
I part my lips again.
His tongue sensuously traces the bottom of my teeth for a moment and then he is kissing me.
Oh my God.
Oh my God!
Oh, wow, uh, wow.
Oh.
Whimper.
He’s kissing me like Mitchell kisses.
Then he’s kissing me like Lee.
I’m in trouble now.

Posted in The Craft | Tags: stolen kisses, The Wælcyries Murders, work in progress
No more H1N1!
I FEEL HAPPY!
Funny enough, I am reading portions of my work in progress I wrote while feverish.
It’s kinda of (wait for it)
(wait for it)
CRAP.
But hey at least that’s what editing is for, right?
Posted in Not Exactly Random, The Craft | Tags: Flueless in Seattle
TO SIR WITH LOVE
Those schoolgirl days of telling tales and biting nails are gone
But in my mind I know they will still live on and on
But how do you thank someone who has taken you from crayons to perfume?
It isn’t easy, but I’ll try
If you wanted the sky I would write across the sky in letters
That would soar a thousand feet high ‘To Sir, With Love’
The time has come for closing books and long last looks must end
And as I leave I know that I am leaving my best friend
A friend who taught me right from wrong and weak from strong
That’s a lot to learn, but what can I give you in return?
If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start
But I would rather you let me give my heart ‘To Sir, With Love’
Posted in The Craft | Tags: lyrics, To Sir with Love
From vacation!
Where I got H1N1!
Man I suck.
My advice:
Avoid travel unless absolutely necessary. If offered the H1N1 shot, take it.
At least I got a tan. San Diego is awesome. Sure is a great place to take a family on vacation. Everyone is so nice.
Posted in Not Exactly Random | Tags: H1N1
So there we were, headed down the beach looking for a good place to park our stuff and hang while the kids run mad up and down the beach while one sun-drenched parent follows.
“Where should we camp out?” I asked.
Suddenly a nubile, a lithe and a svelte stand up from their sun spot wearing bikini’s.
Joe, my oldest immediately pipes up.
“Let’s camp here!“
Ha! The force is strong in this one.

Posted in Not Exactly Random | Tags: Growing up
I’m just a few miles from Legoland, California. We’re going to hang here for awhile and soak up sun, head to SeaWord, the San Diego zoo and the beach beach and more beach.
I had forgotten how pleasant the weather is here this time of the year.
And Legos, after all these years, are still awesome.
I have two happy boys to prove it!
Posted in Awesomesauce, Not Exactly Random
Guns, guns, guns!
Here’s the deal. My Blog Harem keeps my little blog going with hits. Nevertheless, what really drives traffic, and I mean traffic, are posts about guns. Merely linking to a website about guns does something to my occasional readers of my blog. They love that topic. They love that topic more than my writing!
Waaaaaa!
But, when the going gets tough, the tough slut out their blogs. So today’s post is about GUNS. Guns of the future! Ladies and Gentleman, I give you guns of the Lexus Toulouse books, set in the Federation, Earth’s three species society of the future, set in the Year 21.
Needler
An Investigator-only weapon, the recoilless needler shoots an aerodynamic needle anywhere between 800 and 6,000 feet per second. The needle is a collection of nano bots that pierce armor or cover, and deform on flesh, biotech or cyber-gear.
When an Investigator pulls the trigger, the needler instantly programs the nano-needle and computes the relative velocity of the needle based on the armor and movement of the target.
It is a deadly and accurate weapon, the apex of Federation pistol technology. There are no recorded instances of a person or robot surviving a needle round.
Says Investigator Scott:
Scott nods his head in appreciation at my skill. “I went to Fort Lewis, mainly so they could all give me a ribbing about retiring from OCE, and used their force-on-force range,” he says.
I smile. I can picture Scott showing up and being obnoxious while taking a good amount of ribbing.
“They have this simulation where these three bots are in an armored tank. A fucking tank, one of the pre-war non-composite models. Like, a real God damn tank. And I nail all three of them. I simply shot them through the armor. The needles sliced through the armor and then deformed on the bots, blowing them to Hell and gone. Through a fucking tank!”
Charge Pistol
The five-inch barreled Charge Pistol is the precursor to the needler. Essentially, it is a near- recoilless miniature scram-rail.
Charge pistols get their name from the 9mm bullets feed into the scram-rail by the magazine, and the magazine itself. Each bullet contains an energy lattice that deforms when encountering flesh, which in turn causes the bullet to expand from back-to-front.
This weapon causes horrific damage to soft targets, the bullets acting as armor piercers for cover, yet switching to anti-personnel round performance for living targets.
On the downside, it was a marginal performer against bots. The magazine, holding bullets and a miniaturized accumulator necessary for the large power requirement of the scram rail, were not interchangeable with other weapon systems.
Charge Pistols were popular with NI soldiers in the war for various reasons as a BUG (Back Up Gun), mainly because they did not have neural links and had high-capacity magazines (holding only bullets with no need for a shell).
During the war, it was rumored a few prototype Charge Rifles were made, but since Federation rifle technology was already so effective, it is not surprising that these rifles, if they existed, never made it out of Skunk Works.
SiB-Gee
Standard Issue Big Gun
The SiB-Gee is a 14.5mm, near-recoilless, armor penetrator.
Federation soldiers and irregulars used the SiB-Gee extensively in the war, usually against bots, and especially in the extensive underground complexes the enemy created and liked to hide.
Also called the “Idaho FU Rifle.”
Hamilton NI Carbine, MK-2
The Mark II Ham-nCee is a NI Soldier’s primary, personal battle rifle.
We’ll let Lexus describe the Ham-nCee:
In my hands, I have a Hamilton NI Carbine, a nasty little fucker that shoots 6mm rounds from a clip that consumes itself while firing. Wired directly into my nervous system through my neural receptor on my right wrist, the targeting interface is my suit battle computer, with data piped directly into my optic nerves for visual input. It doesn’t project a HUD—it interfaces with my eyes directly. The display is in my eyes because it is my eyes.
Underneath my Ham-nCee is a 15mm grenade launcher, holding ten rounds of pure Hell Fire (the HF-nGL). The grenade is a ball of plasma in a shaped magnetic containment system inside of a composite shell. Once activated through my battle computer, the grenade’s magnetic field propels itself down the scram rails of the launcher. The mag-bubble degrades at the apex of its flight maneuvers, and the plasma then uses the rest of the shell as fuel. The resulting confabulation then smacks into the target, and burns.
And burns. It will burn anything for a brief time. Metal, rock, people.
NI Soldiers were extremely accurate with their Ham-nCee. When one pulled the trigger, something usually died.
Ghost Rifle
A Russo-Sino rifle manufactured exclusively for NI Stealth Soldiers.
Very little is known about the Ghost Rife other that, despite being one of the most sophisticated rifles ever built, they are highly reliable and, of course, extremely accurate.
During the war, the Ghost Rifle was the standard rifle of the Trans-Siberian Sniper Team.
S&W G-Series
S&W manufactures popular civilian weapons, and they target the G-Series line to women.
Based on the tried-and-true old GLOCK design, a G-Series pistol mitigates recoil with additional frictionless parts. It also contains micro-channels in the magazine well/grip construction filled with memory liquid that ebbs back and forth.
The most popular G series pistol is the G-16 Slim-line, a single-stack 9mm pistol manufactured in a variety of colors, including pink.
While technically a fully automatic pistol, magazine capacity limits their effectiveness in this setting.
A popular, back-woods variant is the G-20, a 10mm pistol with a six-inch hunting barrel, where one inch of the barrel pokes out of the five-inch frame. Every decade or two a petition goes out for a “long slide” variant of the G-20, which S&W subsequently reviews and then denies.
All S&W pistols come with a powerful green targeting laser.
The Abominators
Abominators are shotgun-based weapons made by a variety of manufacturers. On an undetermined time-period, The Killer-Bunny Abomination Society (K-BAS) awards the title to a shotgun from a manufacturer that “upholds the traditions of the Abominators and those who use them.” This title is very prestigious for a manufacturer, while to lose it is a great loss of honor.
No one knows when K-BAS came to be, but the archaic and secretive group has been in existence for hundreds of years. On popular net theory is the society existed all the way back to pre-Collapse, human civilization, around the beginnings of the Twenty-First Century in the old pre-Fed calendar.
The current Abominator is a double-barreled, drum-fed automatic 12-guage shotgun, with a 15mm over-the-barrel grenade launcher and a four-charge thunder-lance nestled underneath (in the center channel provided by the two barrels).
Due to their popularity in the war for killing rooms full of attacking cyborgs, weapon aficionados also call Abominators “monster killers.”
M4-MK26
The twenty-sixth version of the M4 carbine, this short-barreled rifle shoots 5mm rounds fed by a standard 5mm quick-feed magazine in either 40 or 60 round capacity, or drums containing 120 rounds. Typical velocities approach over 3,800 feet-per-second at 200 yards.
This bull-pup, variable-automatic design is a popular post-war variant. The rife is light, almost recoilless and very accurate. The M4 weapon system is modular, and is a favorite weapon for home defense and County Safety departments, with many types of accessories and manufacturers competing for the lucrative civilian M4 market.

M4-MK26
The twenty-sixth version of the M4 carbine, this short-barreled rifle shoots 5mm rounds fed by a standard 5mm quick-feed magazine in either 40 or 60 round capacity, or drums containing 120 rounds. Typical velocities approach over 3,800 feet-per-second at 200 yards.
This bull-pup, variable-automatic design is a popular post-war variant. The rife is light, almost recoilless and very accurate. The M4 weapon system is modular, and is a favorite weapon for home defense and County Safety departments with many types of accessories and manufacturers competing for the lucrative civilian M4 market.
“During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to this struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons will live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for. But, my lord, if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.”
—Nelson Mandela, recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize
Posted in Not Exactly Random | Tags: Nelson Mandela, Sunday Reflections
This is just too delicious to not share.
In the future, undercover work is rare because crime is so low. Most crimes are solved by private parties, but sometimes the stakeholders hire an official Investigator. As we saw in the previous post, Princess Lexus, an official Investigator with powers granted to her by the Federation Constitution, isn’t suited to undercover work, but does have an advantage on this assignment because, through a series of very unfortunate events from the prior story, she has the body of a seventeen-year-old girl.
Here, we find out that just when the Princess thinks things can’t get any worse, they do. Now would be a good time to place bets on how long she can go without shooting someone.
***
“Well, if I get in, I think we underestimated the amount of money dripping from Rosehill. I think I need a car,” I tell Scott and Gina over dinner.
“I think we need to see your first evaluations before agreeing to that,” says Gina.
“Do you even know how to drive?” asks Scott.
“You two need to fuck off and die,” I glare. “I’ve had a bad day.”
Gina gives me what I’m internally labeling the Patented Evil Gina Grin. Since Bambi & Associates are actually paying her to help with my cover story by pretending to be my guardian, I feel she could cut me some slack.
But no. “How bad could it be?” she snickers.
“Well, for one, I was grilled by stuck-up snots, and then grilled by nerdy snots, followed by a grilling by super-smart perverted snots. I think I deserve a car.”
I continue my gypsy glare, with implied thoughts of old-world curses. “And ice-cream.”
Gina laughs and gets up to get me my richly deserved desert.
Scott points to the kitchen clock. “Priss is going active soon, so don’t forget cover.”
Mmmmmmm, oh yeah, Priss. Suddenly my evening is looking up.
Ding-Beep, Ding-Beep.
We all look at each other, and because I’m wearing contacts, I simply sub-vocalize to my pod, which accesses the newly installed house computer, and I flip to the outside driveway camera.
In a bright red little convertible Toyota, is Beth, hair in a ponytail, big grin on her face.
“Well isn’t she blonde,” says Gina.
“Boooooooobies,” says Scott.
“Hey! She’s nice. You both are to be on your best, stoic, bloodless CEO behavior. Do not embarrass me in front of my new classmates. Keep your questions to a minimum. Scott, don’t leer, and Gina, stop smirking.”
“Oh my God,” says Gina. “You are such a teen daughter.”
“Wow, you’re a natural,” Scott says, nodding.
“Again: Fuck off and die.”
I hate this assignment. Hate, hate, hate.
***
“Beth! How nice of you to drop by,” I say at the door, motioning her inside.
Against my will, my eyes flick to her impressive cleavage, and then drop to what she is holding out at me. Flowers.
Oh, shit. Expensive orchids. I feel grateful, guilty, afraid and happy, all at the same time.
“Oh! Those are so pretty!” I tell her with a bright smile.
“They are for you. Congratulations, if you want in, we would love to have you in the squad.” Her smile is genuine, warm and friendly.
My instincts are to pop her on the jaw, key the door, and run out the back screaming.
Instead, I grab the flowers, throw my arms around her in a hug, and squeal like a girl while jumping up and down.
She giggles and hugs me back.
Scott and Gina are there, looking, amazing enough, like parents.
“Beth, this is Scott and Gina, my guardians.”
“Please to meet you both. Ms. Gina, is this a five acre lot? Your place is awesome.”
“Indeed it is. Did I just hear you offer a position on your squad to Nancy?”
“Yes, you did. We are happy to have her! It’s like way cool!”
“Oh, Honey, that’s wonderful! That’s just what you wanted,” says Gina, giving me a hug.
Awwwww… Okay. This isn’t so bad.
“Can I offer you something to drink, Beth?” asks Scott, playing the part.
“Um, no, actually, I’m on a deadline and I might need to borrow your daughter, if she agrees.”
Oh, this can’t be good.
“What up?” I ask.
“This will all be explained in the school manual and mail I will send you, but Alpha Squad has screwed up. They are unable to furnish a girl for FSMB, so the position fell to Beta, that’s us. Since I’m already in FSMB, if we can furnish another body, we’ll get enough points to go from Beta to Alpha and the academic year hasn’t even officially started yet. It will be a major upset and a big win for us. There are perks involved on being the top dog.”
“FSMB?” I ask. I am confused.
“Oh, sorry—Flying Squirrel Morale Boosters. The football cheerleading squad.”
Oh, hell no.
“Ah,” says Scott before I can open my mouth, “Nancy was just talking over dinner how she always wanted to be a cheerleader.”
Right there, a little part of my brain just died. Scott! Oh. My. Fucking. God.
“I don’t know,” says Gina, “pre-voc is already going to be a big enough transition.” She looks at me. “I don’t want you to get overloaded right out of the gate, Pumpkin.”
Go, Gina!
“Ms. Gina, we’re so academically based, we’re like the worst cheerleading squad in the PNW. We only practice for an hour on Wednesdays, and the only other commitment from that is the actual game on Fridays. And this is only during football season.”
“Oh, well, then, that sounds fine.” She turns to me. “Congratulations, Honey!”
No. No. No. No!
“Nancy, are you okay?” Beth is looking at me with concern.
“Oh, sorry. This is all very sudden, it’s like I’m in a dream and if I blink my eyes, I will wake up!”
Yeah, like a fucking nightmare.
Beth is tugging on my sleeve. “Let’s go, Pumpkin, tomorrow all the team cheerleaders have to wear their uniforms on campus, so we need to have yours fitted and cut now!”
As Beth is dragging me out the door and Scott takes the flowers to put in water, a circular thought fills my head and consumes me like my prior snorf and sex addiction:
I suck.

Posted in Characterization, Plot, The Craft | Tags: character-driven science fiction, The Wælcyries Murders, work in progress, Writing
A future cop’s worst assignment: go undercover. Back to school. High School.
Chapter 28
Prospective students should check-in at the central office, says the words in my contact lenses HUD.
Ugh. Contact lenses. I don’t like them, but then again, I gave up my NI watch so it is time to face the music. My NI watch directly interfaced with my optic nerves, so I did not need to wear contact lenses like a normal person.
But still, the last time I wore contact lenses, I almost died. A perp fried them in an EMP blast and took advantage of my vertigo by trying to gut me with a knife.
I put aside my discomfort. A little sparkling trail appears before me and I follow it. The school is not crowded, as start times are staggered.
Rosehill is a very modern school—there is nothing institutional about it. Graduates come out ready for advanced learning in specialized fields or ready for direct integration into the workforce. As a pre-vocational school, students learn advanced self-teaching and group-teaching techniques. As a premier pre-voc, the rich send their kids here to finish turning them into productive members of society. It is one of the best schools on the West Coast.
And there is the distinct possibility someone in here, a student or a facility member, is a murderer.
***
“You must be Nancy,” says a warm, older gentleman, who reminds me of Papa. He even has a vaguely Asian look.
“I am,” I stick out my hand and smile. “Please to meet you Mr.…”
He has a firm handshake but he doesn’t crush my fingers. “Berkshire. Please, just call me Berk, or Mr. Berk. I am the Chief Principal of Rosehill Analytics and Learning.”
“Very pleased to meet you, Sir.”
He motions me to sit in a chair.
“I must say your home school qualifications were pretty extraordinary, I can see why your guardians would want you to spend a year or two at Rosehill. Shame we didn’t get to you earlier.”
“Actually, they discouraged me from applying.”
He looks surprised. “Uh, they did?”
“Yes. They felt because of my isolation for my prior learning, that a home school co-op with gradual increased social interaction would be more conductive to learning.”
Damn that sounded swanky. Memo to self: dial it down a notch.
“I guess you persuaded them.”
I sigh like a good teenage girl. “Kinda. I’m actually paying for the tuition and expenses myself. Out of my inheritance. They told me up front, success or failure, either way, would be a good lesson for becoming an Adult.”
He smiles. “Well! Your guardians are old school hard-core. I like it. In a way, Mr. Scott and Ms. Gina are correct—this social and learning style is a dramatic departure. Now that you’re here, are you having second thoughts?”
“Oh, no. I am so excited to learn with other people, make new friends and just experience something new, I could just pee myself!”
Well, at least that much is true.
He laughs. Then he looks very serious.
Uh-oh.
“Nancy, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Only if you don’t mind if I tell you to stuff it if I don’t like it.”
He chuckles. “Oh, you’re feisty!” He looks at me. “You were lonely, weren’t you? I don’t know your whole story, but I can guess home schooled in the ass-end of the Northern Territories was lonely.”
I frown and look down. “Yes, yes I was.”
He nods. “I like you, Nancy. You remind me of my son when he was your age before he got all serious. So let me give you a bit of advice.”
He leans back in his hair. “Rosehill attracts learners and leaders. And the leaders can spot people who have ulterior motives a mile away. You can’t just want to get in here to make friends and have a teen life amongst the wealthy and well-connected. You have to want to learn. You have to want it bad. And if you don’t want it bad enough, then you’ll not get on a squad. As long as your desire to learn and facilitate peer learning is stronger than your desire to be a social butterfly, you’ll get in. But if it’s not, your day is going to suck and perhaps your guardians were right.”
I nod.
Shit.
***
This is my third and last interview for today. I’m fairly certain I’ve blown the prior two, and this is my last shot.
I’m fairly certain because I’ve bugged the rooms, and can hear their discussion.
Squad number one didn’t like me at all. They didn’t like my tattoo, didn’t like that I was home schooled and didn’t like that my guardians were a CEO and an Investigator.
Squad number two was a bit better. However, they didn’t like me because I wasn’t a math whiz. They completely pooh-poohed my areas of expertise, and this hurt because I’m over three times their age and have taken more advanced courses then all three of them put together.
Plus, I used my math to kill the enemy, you little snots. Not good with math, my tattooed ass.
Bah.
Failure here means we have to wave more credits around and I have to form my own squad of student partners. Forming my own squad would suck. I would have to go out and find new students. Not only would time be short for that, I don’t want to integrate myself with new students. I want to find why a murder victim had a current Rosehill squad ring. This is why I’m applying as a transfer.
My instincts tell me I need to stick to the ICDA persona. But man, does it rub some people the wrong way.
I look around the room of rich, beautiful teens and try to hide my nervousness. This six-person squad is down a member. The prior student, a girl, left when her family moved to Argentina. So at least I have that going for me.
I’m dressed in a black and gold silk skirt and matching blouse, with stockings and black boots with heels. At least with my sense of fashion and sculpted, teen looks I fit right in. I’m sitting on a comfortable chair in a study room.
The squad leader is a girl from India, and she is something else. She is tall, almost six feet, and curvy. She looks like she can squish me. Her name is Nikhita, and her mocha skin with her dark brown eyes make for an enticing look. She fills the room with her presence.
The second girl—and I believe she is the Squad Second—is so California Blonde Blue-Eyed Bimbo she actually scares me. It has to be an act. She is also tall and beautiful with breasts I would seriously consider, if they were on me, of having them surgically reduced. Her name is Beth. She looks perfect, minus the boob part.
Then we have the boys.
The first boy introduced himself as Jay. Jay is also tall and looks like a football player, complete with the no neck, blonde guy thing. He has an easy smile and his blue-gray eyes are bright and inquisitive, so I suspect he is far, far, from the quintessential jock. Jay is an alpha boy. Looking at him makes me feel funny.
I bet he is fucking Beth. They would make the beautiful couple, complete with beautiful children.
The next boy, Quinn, is as tall as Jay and dressed impeccably sharp. His brown hair is styled perfectly, and his eyes are green, like mine, although I suspect he is wearing tint. He is also painfully handsome, and while doesn’t have a quick smile as the rest, looks alert. He is the observant sort, and must work out. He seems to have muscles on top of muscles.
The last young man is Lee. Lee is tall and lanky, and gifted with that magical boy long-eyelashes thing, with mousy brown hair and big, big brown eyes. He has a swimmer’s body, and is ruggedly handsome.
Lee also makes me feel funny. The primordial part of my brain wants to nibble on him. He has a warm smile and he is very engaging. Lee is a man’s man, I’m certain.
My gay-dar doesn’t go off, so I’m betting Lee is making some girl very happy right now.
They have just finished with pleasantries, like where I’m from and why Rosehill and blah blah blah. Now begins the grilling.
“How is your day going so far?” asks Beth.
“Well enough, I think. This is a really good school and I hope my nervousness isn’t giving me bad marks in the interviews.”
“You’re doing fine,” says Nikhita. “At least with us, so far. The squads don’t share feedback.”
She has a Bangalore accent. She’s a big city girl. Portland must have been quite the culture shock.
“Ah, is this a competition thing for when you get a superior candidate?”
Nikhita nods. “Yes. I can’t go into it, but certainly, that happens.”
“Cool.” I smile. “I would like nothing better than to have people fighting for me, but I think I’ll force myself to be humble and stuff.”
Lee laughs aloud but quickly tries to look serious.
“So,” says Jay, “you’re wearing a S&W Slim-line 16. Pink.” He says the word ‘pink’ like it is a dirty word. Ha. “What type of training have you had with it?”
“I hold an Instructors Level Four Cert through S&W Training. I am quite accurate with it and can train others in their entire pistol line, which includes basic marksmanship and advanced self-defense.”
“Whoa,” says Beth.
Jay looks impressed. “Could I see your cert?”
“Certainly.” I get out my pod and send him the cert, provided by Bambi. I never qualified through S&W, but if I did, I would probably obtain their highest certificate.
This is going well. Anytime a conversation turns to guns, I have an advantage.
“How would you describe your interest in history?” asks Quinn.
“I’ve given serious consideration to becoming a historian, much to my guardians’ dismay. My emphasis is pre-war and war history, and have tested well in other eras.
“What would you consider is your weak area?” asks Beth.
“For this squad? I have this fear I don’t meet the height requirement.”
Lee again laughs but the others look non-pulsed.
Okay, maybe this is not going so well.
“Academically,” says Beth.
“I’ve haven’t put a big focus on math. Not because I don’t like it, but simply because there are so many hours of the day.”
“Don’t you think your home schooling in the Northern Territories gives you a disadvantage when it comes to peer-based learning?” asks Nikhita.
Oh boy.
“Yes, certainly. Some people are just born to relate to other people, though—I feel in my heart that I’m suited to peer-based learning. A learning squad is everything I have ever dreamed of, and I really want to give as well as receive. I feel I have so much bottled inside, sometimes I could just burst!”
The room is silent.
“Or, maybe, I just like to talk.”
This time I get a smile from Beth.
“Let’s go back to your history assertions,” asks Quinn. “What type of impact did the Collapse have on the formation of the Federation?”
“Which collapse? There were three.”
“There were?” asks Beth.
“Yes. The first collapse was the degradation of civilization via economic Armageddon caused by incompetent centralization, coupled with the spread of a nasty influenza that seemed perversely to prey on healthy adults, and then mutated to attacking children and old people. While this is what is commonly referred to as “the Collapse” with a capital ‘C’, the sneaky fact is those events were predicted and the people who picked up the pieces were well prepared to do so.”
I look around the room. “The second collapse happened soon after the first, so soon that many historians gloss over or miss the significance. Those people now in power were replaced, often violently, in a coups d’état of those who not only predicted the prior collapse, but also the first group would come to power. Those revolutionaries were the forerunners to the Federation, and unfortunately, the beginning of the Union.
“But neither of those events had the most impact of the third collapse.”
Quinn frowns. Oh well.
“The Cyber War was the true collapse. Nobody predicted it, nobody prepared for it, and it destroyed the prior, pre-Federation and pre-Union civilization by erasing everything and destroying networked computers. Afterwards, chaos, true chaos, reigned. Civilization for a short time was a bad blend of steam-punk coupled with feudalism. Only the war with the Union was more malignant, more evil. The only reason the Federation came back on top was we reverted to anarcho-capitalism, and even that was due more to who was the better shot. Free of centralization, the Fed economy prospered with unstoppable growth, which was a good thing, otherwise we humans would be extinct and the child-raping Union would be sitting here having a grand old time with their total lack of free will.”
The room is silent. Again.
I suddenly realize I have totally overstated my undercover persona. The looks I get back are blank and guarded. Crap. Crap. Crap, crap, crap!
Oh man, I suck. Why did they have to ask me about history? That and Investigations always gets me going. Only sex is more fun. I have two fucking masters in history, for fuck sake.
They ask me a few more basic questions, I hand them my card, and leave.
Fuck.
***
Scott picks me up and I motion to him that I’m busy listening.
The card I gave them, while traditional, is also a clever listening device. The paper isn’t paper at all, but a wonderful bug. It’s not nano technology, but nanos certainly manufactured it. It’s a vastly superior form of miniaturization, a technique only known to Investigators and perhaps the Military.
My pod sorts the conversation and pipes a running transcription to my contacts, along with putting the audio in my ear. I rewind it to the point I left the room.
***
Nikhita: Well, at least she wasn’t boring. Let’s go around the room. Lee.
Lee: She’s a Princess groupie! That tattoo, it’s awesome. I so want to talk to her about the Princess.
Beth: Oh my God, Princess groupies. Is there anything more pathetic?
Jay: I can’t believe we found someone who can out groupie the groupie.
Nikhita: Please, let Lee finish.
Lee: She’s very passionate about history and I don’t give a damn if she’s a hick from way-way-way-way up north.
Beth: How many ways is that?
Jay: A lot.
Lee: Quiet. Anyway, I approve. Plus, I want to do her.
Beth: Lee!
Lee: Hey, let’s be honest. She’s unreal. Did you see the muscles ripple under her blouse when she stretched? She’s like hard-soft. Or soft-hard. She’s like a gypsy from a skinsim, all curvy mysterious. And her accent is like melted chocolate butter over a warm pastry.
Beth: Lee! You can’t talk that way with your girlfriend in the room!
Nikhita: Just for that commentary, Lee, I will not be kissing you this evening. Jay?
Jay: Oh hell yes. Fuck, I can finally talk to someone about guns. You guys suck with that and our shooting scores are the worst in the school. Maybe she can teach you wankers something and I can stop banging my head tried to get blood from a bunch of rocks. I’m also impressed with her very broad academic background, her certs, and her passion for when she talks about things that interest her. Plus, I want to do her.
Beth: Jason Manuel! I am sitting right here, you Neanderthal! No kissing for you either!
Nikhita: <sighs>
Nikhita: Beth?
Beth: Well, she certainly is plucky. I like the fact that she is assertive but is mature enough not to get into any squad leadership pissing matches. Unlike you boob-centric penises, I am not terribly impressed with her academics. However, when she talks about subjects she knows, Jay’s right. She gets animated. I think she has a big capacity to teach history, and we need that, especially since Meg moved away and broke Quinn’s heart. Plus, uh, I want to do her.
Jay: Fuck yeah! Can I watch?
Beth: Not a chance in hell, turd-brain. I’m mad at you—remember?
Jay: Oh, so I can’t lust after gypsy girl but you can?
Beth: That’s because I use romance and you just wave your penis around thinking that’s foreplay.
Jay: You know it.
Nikhita: <sighs>
Nikhita: Quinn? You sounded like you had the most reservations.
Quinn: Are you kidding me? She’s fucking brilliant. If we could get out half of what she knows about history, we’re golden.
Lee: Whoa. I thought Quinn was impressed with nothing.
Quinn: Plus, I want to do her. Her lecture actually gave me a boner.
Beth: Oh. Em. Gee.
Quinn: Want to see it?
All: No!
Quinn: Anyway, Nikhita, she’s a fit. She’s quirky and her record clearly indicates she is a dedicated, unconventional learner. My only beef is I had to think seriously about unpleasant topics, because my mind kept going back to wanting to nibble on her tattoos.
Lee: Heh.
Jay: Heh.
Beth: Boys!
Jay: You said you wanted to do her!
Beth: Yes, but I plan to give her flowers, take her to dinner, get her drunk, and then do her.
Nikhita: <sighs>
Nikhita: Okay then. I have reservations along Beth’s thinking. I think her isolation has skewed her motives for applying. To me it seemed she was more interested in the school and the people rather than the true benefits from peer-based instruction. But I can’t deny she knows what she is talking about. We’re down a squad mate, she doesn’t smell and she’s a tad sarcastic, which will make her fit in just fine with you spoiled-brat malcontents.
Lee: And?
Nikhita: And what?
Jay: And?
Nikhita: <sighs>
Beth: And?
Nikhita: Fine. I want to do her.
Quinn: God, I love this squad. Thank you, Jesus.
***
We’re across the river, heading to Gina’s. I nod to Scott, indicating I’m done with my surveillance.
“Well?” Scott asks.
“Let’s see: Lee is going out with Nikhita. Beth is dating Jay. Quinn is single and pinning away after Meg, the squad mate who moved, but I think they all might be swappers. Hard to say.”
Scott reaches over and smacks me on the back of the head.
“Ow!”
“Can you give me a professional rundown of your day? Set the teen girl aside before I puke.” He shudders.
I squirt him the recording and transcript. He puts the car on auto and listens.
“Nancy, I think you are in trouble. You can’t fuck a Child.”
“Major Scott! I am not a pervert! Of course I can’t! That’s just teen banter. Tacking sex on the end of everything makes them feel empowered.”
“Yeah, they want to empower up your pookie.”
“Leave my pookie out of this!”
“Poor Priss. She’s going to be walking funny as you channel their flirting into sex-bot relief.”
“You suck.”
“Ha!”

Posted in Characterization, Plot, Setting, The Craft | Tags: The Wælcyries Murders
Author Lee Lofland takes authors to task for their bad gun research:
Okay, I attempted to read another book last week, a book I wanted to toss off a steep cliff into the Pacific Ocean. Why would I want to drive 3,000 miles just for the pleasure of watching a book sink into Half Moon Bay? It’s a simple answer really. I like my green tea hot with just a touch of milk, I like my Riesling chilled to the right temperature, and I like my freakin’ books to be believable. Even fantasy rings true if the author puts forth some sort of honest effort. But to write about guns, especially cop guns, and not do even a little bit of research just rubs me wrong. Like nails on a chalkboard. The information is out there. In fact, it’s everywhere – on the internet, shooting ranges, police officers, gun enthusiasts, target clubs, hunters, gun clubs, websites, blogs Google, books, libraries, newspapers…you get the idea, right?
Handguns: You’re Still Writing Them Wrong. Yeah, You!
Lee’s book is excellent, by-the-way. I used it while writing Bunny Trouble and the police officer who beta read my book only found one esoteric error.
Posted in Setting, The Craft | Tags: fiction research, Guns, writers
Every Wednesday I post in Adventures in Writing.
Today I talk about professionalism and social media, and how that relates to your social network.
Posted in Not Exactly Random | Tags: Adventures in Writing