What does good whisky taste like?
Good whisky tastes like smokey victory with the duality of being slowly sensual while at the same time, being overtly punchy. Good whisky is your date that wears matching panties and bra. Good whisky is the everliving “fuck you” to every communist piece of shit that dragged an economy down to where they couldn’t get toilet paper, much less the dream of a good whisky.
Good whisky isn’t the timid kiss on the lips from your high school sweetheart in the form a a fruity cocktail. Good whisky is your wife letting you know its ovulation time, she’s ready to get down to business and to get the extra pillows. Good whisky is the large woman at the opera with the historically inaccurate horned Viking helmet singing the universe out of her throat holding a bloody sword while standing on the corpses of 95lb ballerinas.
Good whisky is distilled masculinity in a glass and the woman who likes a good whisky isn’t saying she’s a man, she is saying she loves men. Good whisky is the tears of hipsters mixed with the aging sweat of Baby Boomers who voted for every progressive economy draining flophouse politician and now realizing their government paid-for nursing home is going to be hell on earth.
Good whisky transcends not a damn thing. In your mouth, it’s the apex of civilization. It’s the drink of men who wear hats and an overcoat. It’s not the nectar of gods, but the drink of men who defy gods. A good whisky is the bond between men who are brothers from another mother.
Good whisky tastes like the human condition: abrupt, powerful, complex, straightforward, and gets better with each sip.