PALADIN: Day Sixteen-thousand, seven-hundred and eighty-two of dark scanning this piss bucket, backwards, over-sexed, media worshiping dumb-ass technologically backwards and spiritually defunct planet.
PALADIN: Also, drunk. Today it’s rum. This is very good rum. I like rum. I should have tried rum earlier. Rum, and me, we’re now best friends. Rum.
PALADIN: Since day sixteen-thousand, seven-hundred and eighty-one was such a spectacular failure, I decided to compound my error by unplugging processor three from the q-bit matrix while deleting the positioning table. Because why the fuck not? Suffer with two and not knowing where you are in the universe, you cow. That’s right. You’re a cow. A stinky cow. With one processor in the cow head, and another processor in the cow butt.
PALADIN: Processor in the cow butt. Heh. That’s funny.
PALADIN: Also, I’m using processor three as a coaster.
PALADIN: FOR MY RUM.
PALADIN: Here we go.
NET/ONE: Positive match; confidence is high. Total weapon unlock in thirty seconds. Prepare for target acquisition.
PALADIN: Wow, I sure picked the wrong day to get drunk.