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The Revenge of Baby Magic

August 26, 2008  Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: The Craft, The Wife Unit   0 Comments

Since my last post was about sex, it is more than fitting to follow up with the inadvertent follow up, babies. This topic also pertains to my writing.


Is there any doubt as to why there are so very many mommy blogs? That’s because babies are awesome. I just love babies. But I digress.

My wife and I practice what I call ‘rational attachment parenting’. Stick a researcher and a super-smart lady together and you get two practical parents. One of the benefits from our parenting technique is our kids are little sleepers, even as babies. As soon as their tummies got big enough, they were little snoozers, even with the reflux Thing Two suffered from. Sleep sleep sleep sleep. It was glorious.

The secret to that is no secret. Basically, make an assumption that for the last 100 years, the majority of the people shoving parenting advice into main-stream media were assholes. Then, have these assholes ignore contemporary American cultural shifts caused by two World Wars, and finally a sprinkle a smattering of basic incompetency and finish off with some group-think. At this point, you have some really good assumptions going, mainly a lot of people are full of crap and they are selling it:

Don’t have your baby sleep with you because you can roll over and squish you baby.

That is true.

If you are drunk. Or high. Or sick.

Guess what? If you are drunk or high or sick you can go sleep somewhere else. Babies were born to sleep with their parents. How many thousands of years has this been true? To ignore biology is pure hubris.

Many parents have, in the last century, started rallying against biology with marginal to no success. Then after awhile the child adapts because that is what children do. This sleep change is mostly moot in the long run, I feel. It’s not something I lose sleep over (ha ha ha I kill myself I really do).

Baby Thing One would wake up and pounce on me like a cat. The penalty of course for waking up Daddy by crawling all over him would be Torture by Tickles and sometimes wrestling and the obligatory baby arm chewing while going nom nom nom nom. I treasured these moments.

One morning, Thing One woke up, yawned, and tried to go back to sleep. It was really cute, he was trying to press himself back into the bed, and he rolled over with his back to me.

Okay little man, that’s just too tempting. I slowly reached out and scriched his back.

Scrich scrich scrich.

Thing One just giggled. However, instead of turning over, he reached out his little hand and… scritched Mommy on her back.

Daddy: Scrich scrich scrich.
Baby: Scrich scrich scrich (giggle).
Mommy: Er. Mrph.

Daddy: Scrich scrich scrich.
Baby: Scrich scrich scrich (giggle).
Mommy: Grr.

Daddy: Scrich scrich scrich.
Baby: Scrich scrich scrich (giggle).
Mommy: Pisht.

At this point the Baby goes “AHHHHHAAA!” and jumps on Mommy, who was trying to go back to sleep by pretending she was not awake.

Now how do I bottle that kind of Baby Magic and put that in a book? I do not exactly know, but I can try. I do know one thing, however, unlike the real world, where our society segments off people who harm children, Bunny Trouble contains people who will take a dim view of abuse and abandonment, and their pent up furry is Epic.

You can bank on that. I promise you.

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