The Rehabilitated Hack Writer Presents: 2011!

(TRUMPETS)

These posts crack me up because they inadvertently become popular with my blog harem and my other 30.7 readers. I’m like… a guy. Who writes… or something. Perhaps everyone loves my dry, sarcastic wit. Or maybe you’re all expecting me to trip over myself. Or perhaps see this post:

The Wife Unit here. I’m sorry, my husband won’t be blogging any more. He made one snarky comment too many and I brained him with a stainless steel Kitchen-Aid sauce pan. No worries, the pan is okay. The DH, however, needs some time to recover.

Admit it you could totally see that.

But I digress. To talk about 2011, let’s go back to 2010.

Somewhere in 2010 I posted a bunch of story ideas. I was really reaching for some direction. Which story appealed to me? Which one could you see me writing?

2011 I figured all that out. Mainly through the mind-clarification process of editing. Here’s the smattering of stories I was considering:

• That book in which stuff blows up in space
• An epic fantasy novel book about dragons and singing
• A book about high school cheerleaders from Utah battling space zombies (you know you want to read it)
• Death by Decades: every ten years someone tries to kill the main character
• The Baby Dancers: A YA novel about two brothers who travel across the Endless Void to rescue a baby

What I Learned

We’ll in 2011, here’s what I learned:

I have a dozen dozen ideas in my head. And none of them matter if, when I sit down and write, the voicing is not there. I can tell if the writing has a proper voice.

Holy crap. I can see the voicing.

It’s as if I’ve climbed a mountain, and found the Writing Guru, who then handed me the gift of a lifetime. It’s not that these ideas have bad plots, or maybe the main character is not interesting. I start a novel, and I can tell if the voicing is rocking the pages or if it’s stilted and flat. If it’s not there, I move on. I may have wasted 10,000 words. But I know. I know it down to my tosies.

I can’t begin to describe how liberating this is. It’s a ray of sunshine. Chorus of angles. A (REDACTED) with a (REDACTED) while (REDACTED).

Let me give you an example. I sent Super Cassie a plot idea and she about exploded in excitement, demanding the book in her mailbox.

I sat down and wrote two chapters. The plot is wonderful, and the main character is interesting, but the voice of the story is flat. It’s a literary sexless wonder, and I say that with total affection. I’ve put the manuscript aside.

So Tell Us About the Writing Already

Other than my voicing breakthrough, I wrote two books.

One was Stuff Blowing Up in Space. The book needs another revision, but I have plans for this novel, oh yes I do. It’s creative and fun. It’s sexy and the story arc is epic. EPIC I TELL YOU.

The other book was The Lightning Giver.

And ho-boy (ho-boy being a technical term) what a novel The Lightning Giver is. I have a manuscript that, based on my beta readers reactions, is not so much a YA novel as it Weapon of Emotional Mass Destruction.

It scares me. It really does. I’m not sure I can handle making so many people cry.

I have yet to have The Wife Unit read that one, by the way. It will push all her buttons and I don’t really want her to chase me around the house with a Kitchen-Aid pan.

I’m querying it anyway. If it doesn’t bite, I’ll move on. Because that is what I do. Which leads me to…

2012: I’m Still a Relentless, Productive Little Snot

What’s next? Besides querying my latest widely, I have a variety of things whispering to me:

• That Baby Dancer book
• That Dragonsong book
• Some henceforth untitled book about a teen boy breaking into Hell to rescue the girl of his dreams
• A book about a starship pilot fighting for a dying race while trying to come to grips with his legacy
• Rat Princess, the aforementioned book Cassie wants in her mailbox
• A sci-fi idea that keeps bubbling up about a warrior poet or something like that
• Cheerleader zombie fighters!

It’s quite the diverse list. Which is good, Someone told me I should enjoy non-contract writing while I could. I believe that was wise advice. Which leads me to…

Self-Publishing: That Thing I Keep Getting Asked About

People ask me constantly if I am ever going to self-publish.

I don’t wanna!

There are many reasons, but here are three that stare me in the face:

• It will cost me about $3000 to self-publish a book. Yes. 3K. I have editorial standards. I have cover-art standards. Both of these things cost money.
• To do it right, it’s a time commitment.
• I am a social creature, a consultant by trade. I like to talk with people and work with other professionals. I am a professional’s professional. That’s what I do. Writing is already a solitary pursuit. Self-publishing to me sounds like a lonely, lonely road.

With that said, I’ve also been told point-blank to stop screwing around. That there was a market for my stuffs and keeping it locked away was simply delaying my back-list.

Okay. That appealed to my “Just Do It” and see what happens nature.

But I don’t know, folks. The positive thing about being unpublished is I’m “allowed” to explore different genres. I could self-publish something and then want to move in an entirely different direction. Yes, I know all about the use of pen names (don’t ask, you don’t want to know). I don’t have any enthusiasm for publishing a novel under a different name. That’s not me.

I don’t have a line in the sand about self-publishing, but I am leery about spending so much time doing something I might dislike immensely. I am a father and a husband and a writer with a full-time job that is intellectually challenging and satisfying. If ever there was someone who should pursue an agent for Team Anthony it would be me.

Then again, the publishing landscape keeps rolling around. eBooks have torn away from traditional publishing methodologies and the path to readership is divergent.

Color me undecided. Which leads me back to…

2012: I’m Still a Relentless, Productive Little Snot

By the end of 2012 I will have written two novels.

That, my friends, is a bit of the awesome.

Weeeeeee!

Oh, and leaving Facebook for a year? Best. Idea. Ever.

I’ve made my first editing pass through The Lighting Giver, my contemporary YA project, with a slice of urban fantasy.

It is the best thing I have written. Ever.

Oh 30.3 readers, who wants to beta read it?

(it’s spooky how this poignant photo describes a scene in the book!)

Over half of my Beta Readers wanted more of the alien.

Are you sure? Are you really sure that is what you want? Okay. I give you MORE ALIEN:

The local cops called them meth maggots; the populace called them tweakers. She chose to think of them as low-hanging fruit.

How awesome is that sentence? Huh? Let me answer that question for you. It is dipped in awesomesauce that is what! That sentence is so awesome, when I wrote it I caused all fertile women within three miles of me to ovulate spontaneously.

I printed out the new scene and rubbed the paper all over my body, singing, “Who’s the man! Who’s the man!” It is that good.

Bunny Trouble rolls over another beta reader, drawing her into the story and putting her into my world. Caroline weighed in last night and I respect her opinion mightily. She has very engaging and honest prose even in her casual writing. When she gets going, it is a delight to read because it is personal and she strikes me as someone comfortable in her own skin.

She thoroughly enjoyed the novel.

Moreover, boy-howdy did I get a lot of feedback! Secretly, I was expecting her to deliver the verdict of “crap,” and that had less to do with a lack of self-confidence than my overtly analytical nature. The Hack Writer is, after all, an arrogant ass. The likelihood of a first-time novelist getting the “crap” verdict from an honest genre reader/writer is high.

I struggle and worry about prose, but life throws you a cure. Sure, I pop up a grammatical boo-boo and the wretched mangle of sentence structure and every time someone points it out, I am embarrassed.

The real feedback I am getting however, is not “your prose is the suck,” but rather matters pertaining to plot, style and characterization.

Things I absolutely cannot have in my novel:

• Subplots that make no sense
• Preachy-ness
• Gratuitousness without a reason
• A slow start

Caroline delivered a good amount of feedback in this area, and some of it mirrors what I heard from David #1. I need to hear from two others, but, my 8.3 readers, I believe we have a winner. There is a mile of difference between “your story is boring” and “your prose is bad” to “fix this, fix that, and when can I have the next book?”

Beta feedback is wonderful, as are my beta readers. The feedback thus far will let me spit out Draft 3 a month early. The feedback was that good.

I win critique!

Nom!

Bunny Trouble claims another victim as an additional beta reader reports that he could not put down the manuscript and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Of course, Caroline the English teacher could come back with YOUR PROSE BLOWS, but I think it is safe to say the basics of the plot, theme and my characters are sound. I have reached critical mass.

Get it? CRITICAL mass? Ha ha ha I kill myself, I really do.

Had a lengthy chat with one of my beta readers, and he gave me wonderful feedback on Bunny Trouble.

He found the novel riveting in places, but had some specific suggestions:

There are two characters in the novel that more or less “stay hidden” until the end of the book. They on occasion pop up in the story at times to do certain things (of which I cannot tell you). He wanted either more of that or less of that.

He felt the story was too gratuitous in places.

The dialog between three teenage girls was described as stilted.

Finally, he said my voicing was off. One of my main characters was bleeding into the others.

The “less or more” commentary is telling. I made a conscious choice to do this, but I did not know how it would pan out. I will have to see what the other readers think. I am trying to convey a sense of the unknown, but I may have been too cute about it. Cute is bad.

The girly dialog and the gratuitousness of the manuscript is somewhat related. I set out to have a sexy story (for the premise of the novel is a dark draw) but not cross a line I had for myself. It is now obvious to me that I failed in that regard. Just to see how the novel would go, I cut two-thirds of the teens in question. This eliminated some unnecessary sex, made the manuscript tighter, and improved the plot. I am confident I will not receive feedback that says I should leave that where it is, so I believe I am good there. There are other places to cut, but I have to have the rest of the feedback first.

The voicing is a killer, because he is right. Essentially, that is an amateur mistake, and out of all the suggestions thus far, will be the most time consuming to correct. I am confident I can overcome that problem… now that I know about it.

Despite the pile (and I mean a pile) of improvement suggestions, I remain upbeat. When the first three beta readers come back and report that the novel was “riveting,” that to me is a big win. My fear was the entire thing was preachy and essentially a big snooze, and who wants to read that?

Everyone now has his or her copy of the Bunny Trouble manuscript.

Officer Brian completed his read-through, and is now reading it again because he did not want to slow down so he could learn what happens next. WHN(tm) is a very important component to my writing. It is how I judge entertaining novels. If a reader does not want to know WHN, that is an indication the pacing and plotting is off.

Seems somewhat obvious, but I have personally spent money on a book I was looking forward to reading, only to set it down without finishing. It does not happen often, but life is too short to spend time reading something that does not entertain and move you in some way.

Anyway, Brian liked the novel. Since it has a heavy police officer element to it, this is pure feedback goodness. He is going to go back through the manuscript with a more critical eye and point out where I boofed any of the cop elements and missed grammatical errors on my line-edit.

I still am nervous about the whole thing. It feels strange to spend so much effort and then toss the manuscript to other people. Not good, not bad… strange. New.

Ugh. My poor fingernails!

I found my last beta reader. 7.3 blog followers, meet Caroline:

Caroline: A high school English teacher and a voracious reader, she has more than a passing familiarity with firearms. She is a fan of the fantasy genre. Caroline wishes to remain under the radar, and therefore I have bestowed upon her the name of a kick-ass hunter from Bunny Trouble. I am very excited to have Caroline on board, she is a passionate and action-orientated writer. I hope I can live up to her expectations!

Beta Reading Squad Doki Doki Team Alpha SIX is now Beta Reading Squad Doki Doki Team Alpha SEVEN. Boo-YAH!

My local beta readers get Bunny Trouble this evening. For everyone else I have to sneak off early from work tomorrow and visit the UPS store. Watch your mailbox!

Still looking for one more beta reader. Please.

In other news, I completely rewrote my query letter… again. Now is sucks one-half less.

I am done with Bunny Trouble for a month. My time now belongs to The Baby Dancers.

Edit: Beta Reader Found. No more Bunny Trouble for you! You come back later!

I took draft one and made it mah beotch. Now I have draft two.

Order Summary:

Bunny Trouble.doc
375 pages
8 copies
Collated
Double sided
Black & white
Standard 70 lb. Offset paper
3-hole punch

Soon, mah prettahs, soon.

Still looking for a girl prettah.