What did your wife do for you today?
Oh, don’t have one? I feel for you, I really do. My heart goes out in abject sympathy. No need to thank me, that is just the kind of guy that I am.
Thing One: Jacon, the Sorcerer
Wife Unit: Frou Frou Mitty, the Cleric of Pelor (DM supplied, of course)
Anthony: The Illustrious Dungeon Master
The kitchen table, with an expertly arranged outdoor setting (using preprinted tiles).
The Game Starts
DM: Place you figures in front of the catacomb doors at the bottom of the short stone steps leading into the ground.
(the players place their figures)
DM: Traveling nearly a half-a-day, the intrepid band of adventures finds themselves at the fabled catacombs, reputedly filled with treasures and fell monsters guarding their dead. The door at the bottom of the steps is closed.
Jacon: You open it. I only have four hit points!
Frou Frou Mitty: (having not played D&D for 28 years): I, uh, try to open the door.
DM: (places a gigantic dragon tile in back of the small party): As you touch the door, a dragon appears. It snatches Frou Frou Mitty in its gigantic maw and flies upwards with a mighty bound. As Jacon watches the dragon recede off into the distance, he hears loud crunches as the dragon gruesomely chews its meal. With a mighty spit, parts of Frou Frou Mitty spew along the countryside as the dragon delivers a satisfied burp and is seen no more.
Jacon: Awesome! (claps)
Thing Two: Yea! (claps)
Frou Frou Mitty: (eyes narrow) Ha ha ha. Not funny!
DM: That was the best D&D session ever!
DM: (Puts away the dragon tile)
DM: Traveling nearly a half-a-day, the intrepid band of adventures finds themselves at the fabled catacombs…
Now I would like to thank the Lovely Wife Unit: draft two is a much better manuscript because of her tireless efforts. Out of all the corrections (and there were many!), she only made one mistake. She also convinced me to make some minor story revisions, and the manuscript tightened up because of her.
I did ask her point-blank; “You would tell me if my novel sucked, right?” and she said yes, she would. I believe her. Now if the novel does suck, you beta readers can send her flame mail for putting up with 375 pages of crap.
I love you LambChop!
The Wife Unit whipped up some homemade chocolate this evening. A bitter frozen kiss, doing naughty things to my mouth uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh.
For you men, bi-fems and lesbians that love a good cook: back off. I saw her first!
Mmmmmm nom nom nom nom oooooohhhh!
I told myself I was not going to start the second round of edits on Bunny Trouble until this evening. Even for just proofreading and minor edits, I wanted to let it fester for a week before I looked at it. Once I finish the proofreading pass, the manuscript goes off to Kinko’s and then to my Beta Reading Squad Doki Doki Team Alpha Fox SIX!
Speaking of Beta Readers let me introduce you to them:
Beta Reading Squad Doki Doki Team Alpha Fox SIX
The Wife Unit: Heather likes fantasy or sci-fi only if they have strong characterization and have a female lead or strong female supporting characters. We definitely do not share the same taste in books, but we both like entertaining stories with interesting protagonists. The WU is a sucker for a good mystery.
Mike: Mike is a long time friend, well traveled and local. Mike is a fan of thought-provoking books with historical research, along with dropping objects from orbit on bad people. Mike and I read the same fantasy books. There are many entertaining elements for Mike in the later Bunny Trouble books, so if he likes this one the next ones will hold his interest for sure.
David #1: David and I read roughly the same SFF novels, and he is also local. I have been friends with Dave almost as long as Mike. We have had moderate disagreements in the past over sci-fi. Recently, at the tail end of Brin’s Uplift books I wanted to gouge out my eyes. David #1 thought they were just peachy. A martial-arts practitioner, Berkley graduate and physicist, David #1 is also is retired, so he has lots of time on his hands to talk about my novel at great length. He he he. David #1 cooks the. Best. Steak. Evah.
Dad: Father-in-law is a voracious reader. I do not dive into the techno-thriller genre quite like he does, but we trade our sci-fi books back and forth like a 10-rupee whore. The next book in the series is also has many elements that would appeal to Ed, there is more action such as tanks shooting at other tanks and things blowing up, in time-honored military techno-thriller style.
Brian: Brain is a long-time police officer in Washington. Many of the good guys, ok well just about all of the good guys in Bunny Trouble are cops. Brain probably reads well ahead of me in the SFF genres, and I am happy to feed his never-ending thirst for good material. At least I hope it is good. Brian is also a martial-arts expert. One of the characters in Bunny Trouble is also into advanced unarmed combat, but she cheats, she cheats a lot ha ha ha.
David #2: To confuse my brain more, David #2 is also a Berkley graduate. He then moved on to UC Davis. Other than the WU, David #2 is the only Beta who also reads my blog (part of the 7.3!). He is also on my blogroll. We share many political interests but I secretly wonder how much longer he can live in California. David, I slapped a high-capacity magazine into my Glock this morning and I thought of you. He he he. David #2 has a monstrous library, has read Ross’ Unintended Consequences, and thus, out of all my Beta Readers, closely matches the target audience that should find the Bunny Trouble books irresistibly appealing. I hope.
That’s the crew and I already owe them a debt I can never repay. My only hope is the novel will be entertaining to read.
I am looking for one more Beta Reader but that is a different blog post.
Edit: I have found my Beta Reader.
The Wife Unit finished Bunny Trouble and gave me several suggestions and some constructive feedback, pure yummines. She didn’t beat me over the head with the manuscript at the ending, so I feel somewhat vindicated.
She wants to read the next novel in the series, and put me on notice that Ciara must not die. He he he oh no my pet. Ciara will not die. He he he, nope, not at all he he he (giggle).
Then we had this conversation:
Anthony: Too bad you have to wait a year for the next book in the series.
WU: You’ll also be waiting, then.
I’ll get right on that… as soon as I finish The Baby Dancers.
Next Bunny Trouble steps: Proofreading corrections from the WU and then it’s on to Kinko’s for the five Beta copies.
One day I came home and there was The Wife Unit, glaring at me. No one, and I mean no one, can out-glare Southern Girl Blonde.
“I found some of YOUR magazines under our son’s bed!” she said in an accusatory tone.
I wrack my brain. Did Thing One find some ancient porno mags, of which I did not even remember purchasing, in some forgotten box in the closet in the library?
She waves the offending magazines at me, most likely repressing an urge to smack with them:
At that moment, I was a satisfied, smug, proud father. Thing One, I knew, would turn into a great man, a caring, protective husband and father.
Thing One is not feeling well today. No writing this Friday, he’s going to want his Daddy. After he goes to bed, I’m reading a book.
No more blogging today either! You 7.3 readers, you come back tomorrow!
heatherpa [12:50 PM]:
you and that book… going to accomplish nothing today I think
Tony [12:50 PM]:
heatherpa [12:50 PM]:
heatherpa [12:51 PM]:
must keep reading to find out what the evil murderer is all about
Apparently, I don’t need a proofreader now. Seems The Wife Unit takes great umbrage at grammatical errors. Here’s how I know:
Hack Writer: The Big Green Writing Chair
Wife Unit: The Couch, reading my manuscript
Suddenly The Wife Unit bolts from the couch, rolls up chapters one and two and smacks me with it.
“The former or the latter!“
(Thwack! Thwack Thwack!)
The Wife Unit says she could not put down my manuscript today. This is a good sign. I was out of fingernail trim.