Rehabilitated Hack Writer’s Guide to Arguing with Mommy
So Blogging That, Part IV
12:37 PM The Wife Unit:
Tigger is on my list right now
OMG I was winding a ball of yarn and he broke it
12:37 PM Anthony:
He’s a cat, honey.
You were playing with his toy.
The Things I Come Across in Book Research
A few days ago my oldest son asked The Wife Unit: “Just how long did you know Dad before you married him?”
Snicker.
The Tale of Two Shorts
Short #1: Despite ending and starting a new contract (one which keeps me busy, busy, busy), I finished my short I’ve referenced in this post.
It took me two rewrites to get it to a point where I was happy. During the last, the story took on a bleak tone despite the Hero Protagonist being an upbeat, happy-go-lucky guy. Poor Arune. I actually feel bad.
Short stories do not come easily for me, but I can see their value as a way to improve my novel-writing. Hitting a limitation of 7,500 words really threw me for a loop and I agonized for hours over what to cut and what to leave. It’s much easier making a 110k novel a 100k novel than it is to make a 10k short a 7.5k short.
But I did it.
Now for those of you volunteering to read it and wondering what it isn’t in your mailbox, I want The Wife Unit to read it first. Mainly because she proofreads, mainly because, well, she’s The Wife Unit. There are some perks, yanno.
So expect it in yer box, soon. Thank you for your patience.
Short #2: I actually turned in another short, to a brand-spanky-new publication, and had a great conversation with the new editor. The short is an except from my novel Bunny Noir, but it stands alone as far as a short story.
The fun thing, though, before I submitted it, I took this chapter and made it dark. Dark and twisted. It was already a bit gloomy, but I felt compelled to bump it up a notch, and the result, I do believe, is delicious. If it passes muster, I can’t wait to see it in print. Who can resist Lesbian Alien Libertarian Gun Nut Fiction?
Man I love writing, love it a lot. Even when I was pulling my hair out, the end result was worth it.
Reading Things Men Don’t Do
Have you ever watched a woman reading a book? I’m not talking in a stalker-like way, but just an observation?
If the book is particularly good, she will scrunch up her legs in that “I have my legs under me” way that women sit that is almost impossible for a man to replicate. I’ve tried. I think I hurt myself the last time I tried it.
When The Wife Unit gets going into a book, I’ll sometimes watch her because it’s one of the few times I can stare at her and she won’t notice. And she’s totally stare worthy.
I have it in my mind that the novels I write are “scrunch worthy.” I simply want more than engrossment, I’m after that feminine contortionist book sit.
There’s another effect I’m going for, the “I must finish this chapter before I pee” effect.
Not too sure that is woman specific. But I have observed several women bouncing in their chairs while reading a book, only to set it down and go running.
Scrunched legs and hold the pee. I’m a male novelist with ambition.
Something that sounds fun, but mostly isn’t.
Bleh. Say it with me, folks: bleh!
Not only was I sick on Sunday with a cold (the infamous MAN COLD), which still lingers in my body, I had a fever induced lucid dream in the wee hours of dawn.
I’ve talked about lucid dreaming before, where you are not a participant in some dream-world, but a in full control of your actions. On paper, this sounds good, doesn’t it?
Well, it rarely is. It is confusing and sometimes frighting. Imagine waking up, only you’re in your bed with someone who isn’t your spouse, sleeping away next to you. You are confused. Did you cheat on your spouse and don’t remember? If so, why is she still here? Is this really your spouse, and the other person some dream? Or is this some crazy nut-job who kindnaped your wife and is about to get all whacko on you?
See, I told you it wasn’t fun.
Subscribing to the nut-job theory, I got up and checked in on the kids. They were sleeping. So I went back to bed, contemplating the best way to approach this person. At this point I was sure I was dreaming.
But I wasn’t 100% sure. Eventually, I closed my eyes and “went back to sleep.”
Now, in a normal dream, a person follows along in her brain’s view of reality, like a first-person perspective movie, with little thought on what they are doing. The vivid, lucid dream is mired in rational thought.
So, when I woke up again, this is where the fun starts. Yup, that’s my wife. But am I still dreaming? If I get up and go pee, will I wet the bed? How can I tell? Basically, I had to lay there for twenty minutes, wide awake, before I could “believe” that what was around me was real.
Anyway, not much of a writing topic. Just so you know, Anthony is a little strange.
I do sometimes have a lucid dream that doesn’t contain a false awakening. I would be lying if I told you that wasn’t a little slice of dream awesome. Most of the time, unfortunately, I’m confused, and the irony of not even having my anchor available, from my last post on this subject, is not lost on me.
And this MAN COLD sucks.
Twighlight Explained for Men
My Blog is One Year Old Today
My little blog is one year old today.
I’ve learned a lot, picked up a blog harem, made a few mistakes, but persistence pays off. Every now and then, someone will query on “Anthony Pacheco Hack Writer”, and that will take him or her to… (wait for it)… ME!
If it is one thing I am appreciative of, is the friends I have made that have stuck to this online gig. I’ve had blogs I’ve followed where the authors stopped blogging.
And I felt loss. I never met them, but I missed them. And still do.
Please, don’t go.
Because I will cry.
So many fellow blogger people to thank and appreciate, I’ll just babble:
Kiersten: Kiersten is such a regular reader of my blog I call her Fiber Kiersten! Wait, that didn’t come out right. Opps, that didn’t sound right either.
I never had a little sister. But if I did, I would want her to be like Kiersten. I wuv ewe Kiersten!
And I really really want to read her books. So, you publisher people you, buy her books!
J.C. Heart: Her daughter is the Cutest. Baby. Ever. I love to just check in and read her blog. And if J.C. can squirt out a baby and keep writing, we all have no excuses to stop.
Alex Moore: We all knew of her writing talents and she was eventually outed as a beautiful woman. I only wish she posted more! And she occasionally sends me gun porn. How cool is that? I will tell you how cool. It’s WAY COOL.
B J Keltz: One of the most generous souls out there.
Courtney Summers: man I love Courtney’s writing, and she’s such a nice person.
Gary Corby: Gary is a classic literary pusher. The blog posts are always free. If you want the book, well, you have to wait. I have a severe case of Book Lust going here, which almost dives into “stalker” territory.
Larry Correia: A writer who dives into the political rant, Larry so gets his audience. Larry is spooky that way. Larry is going places.
Mornara’s Weblog: Joe, or whatever she is calling herself this month (heeee) has a nifty little blog going that got niftier now that she updates it frequently.
To all these people and the ones I didn’t list (because you stopped posting or I ran out of time or you’re an agent who doesn’t need to be poked at or whatever), thank you very much.
And, lastly, my most heartfelt thanks go to The Wife Unit, the ever beautiful Southern Lady and Wonder Mommy. I can think of no other existence than what I have now.
Well, maybe a published book or two. I think she would like that.
So blogging that.
The Wife Unit: I lost track of time reading your book!
Hack Writer: He he he!
Wife Unit: And it has a lot of sex in it!
Hack Writer: He he he! I intentionally went out of the way to be provocative.
Wife Unit: And your main character is crazy!
Hack Writer: He he he!
Hack Writer: So blogging this.
Wife Unit: …
Hack Writer: He he he! It’s the little things that count.
So Blogging That, Part II
“Grrrrr!”
I glance over at The Wife Unit. She is closing some YA Fantasy novel. Then she glares at me!
“What?”
“You writers! With your cliffhangers! I am annoyed.”
“Ha. Well, are you annoyed that you will never read that author’s books again, or annoyed that you have to wait until the next book comes out?”
“This is the next book! It’s in hardcover.”
“Are you going to buy the next book or not?”
“Yes.”
“Well, the author wins. He wins writing. You are annoyed only in that you don’t have the next book in the series. Ha ha ha!”
“Grrrrr!”
“I am so blogging this.”
“Grrrrr!”