Oh, Liara!

In Mass Effect, it was FemShep, Liara and Tali. We saved the galaxy.

In Mass Effect 2, she broke my heart, but I won her back.

I wonder if I can get The Wife Unit to dye her hair blue on my birthday…

The following video is the culmination of two epic action role-playing games, with the last installment due in March.

I could write an entire essay over how emotionally compelling the female Shepard romance with Liara was. In Mass Effect, she was this naive, geeky beauty that endeared me to her feminine, yet alien, ways. On the battlefield, paradoxically, she was a holy terror.

In Mass Effect 2, she flat out broke my character’s heart. She was distant, hard, and withdrawn. Stepping outside the context of the Mass Effect Universe, I thoroughly felt the writers had lost it completely.

Then Lair of the Shadowbroker, the DLC of all DLCs comes around and smacks you alongside the head. The setup was perfect. The voice acting was perfect. It was epic.

And it was romantic.

My ending was slightly different because I didn’t lose any team members and I had a little black party dress on, but everything else is on the money.

Games like this is why I don’t go see movies hardly at all.

I used random.org to select my two winners.

• The winner of the Virgin Never Before Read and Unspoiled by Human Hands ARC goes to Steph Schmidt
• The winner of the Slightly Used By The Wife Unit ARC goes to Brandi Cruickshank

I’ve sent you two mail! Reply back with your address and you can read the book before of the Unwashed Masses(TM).

Damn, I love books.

Best,
Anthony

Athens, 460 B.C. Life’s tough for Nicolaos, the only investigating agent in ancient Athens. His girlfriend’s left him and his boss wants to fire him. But when an Athenian official is murdered, the brilliant statesman Pericles has no choice but to put Nico on the job.

The case takes Nico, in the company of a beautiful slave girl, to the land of Ionia within the Persian Empire. The Persians will execute him on the spot if they think he’s a spy. Beyond that, there are only a few minor problems:

He’s being chased by brigands who are only waiting for the right price before they kill him.

Somehow he has to placate his girlfriend, who is very angry about that slave girl.

He must meet Themistocles, the military genius who saved Greece during the Persian Wars, and then defected to the hated enemy.

And to solve the crime, Nico must uncover a secret that could not only destroy Athens, but will force him to choose between love, and ambition, and his own life.

I’m giving away not one but TWO Advanced Reader Copy’s of Gary Corby‘s The Ionia Sanction.

(one, two ARCS AH AH AH!)

All you have to do to win is:

**Comment below with your email

**Have a valid postal address somewhere in the world

That’s it. Don’t you love simplicity? I sure do!

I will randomly select two winners on Sunday, October 23.

I will put that copy in the mail on Monday. That version will be an virgin ARC, waiting for your hands in breathless anticipation.

The other copy will go out sometime next week after my lovely wife is done reading it.

Which leads me to “How Gary’s Book Almost Caused a Divorce,” by Anthony Pacheco, Rehabilitated Hack Writer.

See, there I was, innocently editing my latest novel, when I get an email from Gary. Gary asks hey, do you want an ARC or two for giveaways?

I’m sitting in The Writer Chair(TM) at home, and go something like “Ah, man.” This is where I get into trouble.

Wife Unit: What?

Anthony: Gary wants to send me an ARC of his next book.

Wife Unit: What’s an ARC?

Anthony: That’s an advanced reader’s copy, available before you can buy it. Normally for reviewers and promotional giveaways.

Wife Unit: Cool!

Anthony: Well, it’s my policy to not accept promotional material including ARCs for books I recommend.

Wife Unit: But this is Gary’s book.

Anthony: Yes.

Wife Unit: You know how much I liked the first one.

Anthony: Yes.

Wife Unit: And…

Anthony: And?

Wife Unit: …

Anthony: ?

Wife Unit: It’s a good thing this couch is really comfortable.

Anthony: Um…

Wife Unit: I’m sure you would not be the first husband banished to the couch over an “ARC.”

Anthony: Um…

Wife Unit: The dog could use some company downstairs. He can keep you warm.

Anthony: Um, I think I’ll tell Gary thanks, that is really nice of him and send him our address.

Wife Unit: Thank you, Husband.

Now this story does not end here. Today I get in the mail the two ARCs.

Wife Unit: Oh! My book! Yay!

Anthony: Who loves you?

Wife Unit: You do! But… I just thought of something. If I read the ARC now, I’ll just have to wait longer for the next book.

Anthony: …

Anthony: I am so blogging this.

Ha ha ha!

Surf

Wild Alaskan King Salmon (1.75 to 2 pound)
Kosher salt
Fresh ground pepper
Lemon Juice

Cook in 400 F oven until done. Use no other seasonings. If you do, turn in your PNW Native card and move back east with the rest of the unwashed heathens.

Turf

Baked Garlic Chicken
Chicken (with skin) thighs and drumsticks
Season Salt
Old Bay spice
Garlic Powder

Spice the chicken. Cook uncovered in 425 oven for 33 minutes, then set oven 400 F and put salmon in. Salmon and chicken will be done at the same time.

Comfort Food

Pan fried oysters
Medium or large oysters (2 jars or shucked)
½ cup Italian herb breadcrumbs
½ cup flour

Pat dry the oysters with paper towels. Mix the flour and breadcrumbs. Coat the oysters. Do not seasons unless using  plain breadcrumbs. Fry in pan in canola oil at medium-high heat.

Salad

Seasonal Spinach Salad
Fresh apricots
Fresh raspberries
Fresh strawberries
2 avocados
Spinach
Candied walnuts
Crumbled blue cheese
Blue cheese dressing
Fresh ground pepper

Theoretically, this can be an entire meal. Mix ingredients in large salad bowl, except the avocado and blue cheese dressing, which is served on the side (most people decline to put dressing on this salad)

Bread

Rosemary round loaf
Sourdough round loaf

Serve with soft, unsalted butter

Wine

Serve with a very chided Louis Jadot Chardonnay or slightly chilled Pinot Noir

Cake!

Chocolate
Cream cheese chocolate frosting (various recipes)

• Did anyone comment?
• Did anyone send me mail?
• Did anyone link my post on their blog and comment?

The link is the Holy Grail of popularity indicators. While my post yesterday did not generate any links, it sure hit a nerve. It took one reader by surprise, and even the Wife Unit told me I needed to put warning labels on things like that.

Heh. Insert sheepish grin here. Whoops. Someone emailed me and asked why I wrote that. Why indeed.

Quite simply, my work-in-progress is kicking my ass. This novel is, unfortunately, a creative and emotional vampire.

Contemporary Young Adult was never on my horizon. I love reading it, I just never saw myself writing it. My love for genre fiction is deep, and more than that, I have such fun writing science fiction and fantasy. But when the plot for this novel hit me along-side the head, I knew I had to drop everything and write it.

The emotional intensity of my work-in-progress is high. The situation my main characters find themselves in is as absurd as it is heartbreaking, and as I approach the ending the intensity and emotional impact increases dramatically. I find myself in need of a creative outlet in order to not, um, explode or something. Because that would be messy.

I wrote The Pilot simply as a need to express the emotions bleeding from my work-in-progress. It was write it or fall to pieces.

Yes, that post was merely spill-over.

Maybe I can get a Christmas Sweater out of this.

Dear 9.3 Readers,

The Wife Unit was very specific this year. She wanted a spinning wheel. Not just any spinning wheel, but a certain make and model. Since a spinning wheel is a handy thing that can pay for itself, and the fact that she wanted it, I of course, great hubby that I am, got her the spinning wheel that she wanted.

So far, so good.

Except, the wheel was shipped from Spokane and arrived the very next day that I ordered it.

My plan is to wrap that sucker and stick it under the tree.

The Wife Unit, of course, thinks this is spousal snarkitude and wants to use the wheel now.

Thus, I leave the entire question of the Spinning Wheel Christmas Question entirely in your hands! Vote below. Voting closes December 2nd.

[12:52:58 PM] heatherpa: When is the next coming out?

[12:54:35 PM] Anthony Pacheco: LOL

[12:54:40 PM] Anthony Pacheco: same time next year

[12:54:47 PM] heatherpa: but but but…

[12:54:56 PM] Anthony Pacheco: Once a year

[12:55:01 PM] Anthony Pacheco: He is working on book 3?

[12:55:08 PM] heatherpa: sigh you writers….

[12:55:15 PM] heatherpa: what do you do with your time? Write faster!

[12:55:26 PM] Anthony Pacheco: OMG I am so blogging this.

12:37 PM Anthony:
He’s a cat, honey.
You were playing with his toy.

A few days ago my oldest son asked The Wife Unit: “Just how long did you know Dad before you married him?”

Snicker.

It took me two rewrites to get it to a point where I was happy. During the last, the story took on a bleak tone despite the Hero Protagonist being an upbeat, happy-go-lucky guy. Poor Arune. I actually feel bad.

Short stories do not come easily for me, but I can see their value as a way to improve my novel-writing. Hitting a limitation of 7,500 words really threw me for a loop and I agonized for hours over what to cut and what to leave. It’s much easier making a 110k novel a 100k novel than it is to make a 10k short a 7.5k short.

But I did it.

Now for those of you volunteering to read it and wondering what it isn’t in your mailbox, I want The Wife Unit to read it first. Mainly because she proofreads, mainly because, well, she’s The Wife Unit. There are some perks, yanno.

So expect it in yer box, soon. Thank you for your patience.

Short #2: I actually turned in another short, to a brand-spanky-new publication, and had a great conversation with the new editor. The short is an except from my novel Bunny Noir, but it stands alone as far as a short story.

The fun thing, though, before I submitted it, I took this chapter and made it dark. Dark and twisted. It was already a bit gloomy, but I felt compelled to bump it up a notch, and the result, I do believe, is delicious. If it passes muster, I can’t wait to see it in print. Who can resist Lesbian Alien Libertarian Gun Nut Fiction?

Man I love writing, love it a lot. Even when I was pulling my hair out, the end result was worth it.

If the book is particularly good, she will scrunch up her legs in that “I have my legs under me” way that women sit that is almost impossible for a man to replicate. I’ve tried. I think I hurt myself the last time I tried it.

When The Wife Unit gets going into a book, I’ll sometimes watch her because it’s one of the few times I can stare at her and she won’t notice. And she’s totally stare worthy.

I have it in my mind that the novels I write are “scrunch worthy.” I simply want more than engrossment, I’m after that feminine contortionist book sit.

There’s another effect I’m going for, the “I must finish this chapter before I pee” effect.

Not too sure that is woman specific. But I have observed several women bouncing in their chairs while reading a book, only to set it down and go running.

Scrunched legs and hold the pee. I’m a male novelist with ambition.

Not only was I sick on Sunday with a cold (the infamous MAN COLD), which still lingers in my body, I had a fever induced lucid dream in the wee hours of dawn.

I’ve talked about lucid dreaming before, where you are not a participant in some dream-world, but a in full control of your actions. On paper, this sounds good, doesn’t it?

Well, it rarely is. It is confusing and sometimes frighting. Imagine waking up, only you’re in your bed with someone who isn’t your spouse, sleeping away next to you. You are confused. Did you cheat on your spouse and don’t remember? If so, why is she still here? Is this really your spouse, and the other person some dream? Or is this some crazy nut-job who kindnaped your wife and is about to get all whacko on you?

See, I told you it wasn’t fun.

Subscribing to the nut-job theory, I got up and checked in on the kids. They were sleeping. So I went back to bed, contemplating the best way to approach this person. At this point I was sure I was dreaming.

But I wasn’t 100% sure. Eventually, I closed my eyes and “went back to sleep.”

Now, in a normal dream, a person follows along in her brain’s view of reality, like a first-person perspective movie, with little thought on what they are doing. The vivid, lucid dream is mired in rational thought.

So, when I woke up again, this is where the fun starts. Yup, that’s my wife. But am I still dreaming? If I get up and go pee, will I wet the bed? How can I tell? Basically, I had to lay there for twenty minutes, wide awake, before I could “believe” that what was around me was real.

Anyway, not much of a writing topic. Just so you know, Anthony is a little strange.

I do sometimes have a lucid dream that doesn’t contain a false awakening. I would be lying if I told you that wasn’t a little slice of dream awesome. Most of the time, unfortunately, I’m confused, and the irony of not even having my anchor available, from my last post on this subject, is not lost on me.

And this MAN COLD sucks.

Filed under: Not Exactly Random, The Wife Unit Tagged: Dreams, lucid dreaming, MAN COLD ]]> http://anthony-pacheco.com/2010/04/19/something-that-sounds-fun-but-mostly-isnt/feed/ 0 Tony lucid-dreaming http://anthony-pacheco.com/2009/08/04/twighlight-explained-for-men/ http://anthony-pacheco.com/2009/08/04/twighlight-explained-for-men/#comments Tue, 04 Aug 2009 15:37:30 +0000 Anthony - Rehabilitated Hack Writer http://anthony-pacheco.com/?p=2477 ]]> Click to em-biggen.

PVP Snirk.

Maneuvers in the Dark

I’ve learned a lot, picked up a blog harem, made a few mistakes, but persistence pays off. Every now and then, someone will query on “Anthony Pacheco Hack Writer”, and that will take him or her to… (wait for it)… ME!

If it is one thing I am appreciative of, is the friends I have made that have stuck to this online gig. I’ve had blogs I’ve followed where the authors stopped blogging.

And I felt loss. I never met them, but I missed them. And still do.

Please, don’t go.

Because I will cry.

So many fellow blogger people to thank and appreciate, I’ll just babble:

Kiersten: Kiersten is such a regular reader of my blog I call her Fiber Kiersten! Wait, that didn’t come out right. Opps, that didn’t sound right either.

I never had a little sister. But if I did, I would want her to be like Kiersten. I wuv ewe Kiersten!

And I really really want to read her books. So, you publisher people you, buy her books!

J.C. Heart:  Her daughter is the Cutest. Baby. Ever. I love to just check in and read her blog. And if J.C. can squirt out a baby and keep writing, we all have no excuses to stop.

Alex Moore: We all knew of her writing talents and she was eventually outed as a beautiful woman. I only wish she posted more! And she occasionally sends me gun porn. How cool is that? I will tell you how cool. It’s WAY COOL.

B J Keltz: One of the most generous souls out there.

Courtney Summers: man I love Courtney’s writing, and she’s such a nice person.

Gary Corby: Gary is a classic literary pusher. The blog posts are always free. If you want the book, well, you have to wait. I have a severe case of Book Lust going here, which almost dives into “stalker” territory.

Larry Correia: A writer who dives into the political rant, Larry so gets his audience. Larry is spooky that way. Larry is going places.

Mornara’s Weblog: Joe, or whatever she is calling herself this month (heeee) has a nifty little blog going that got niftier now that she updates it frequently.

To all these people and the ones I didn’t list (because you stopped posting or I ran out of time or you’re an agent who doesn’t need to be poked at or whatever), thank you very much.

And, lastly, my most heartfelt thanks go to The Wife Unit, the ever beautiful Southern Lady and Wonder Mommy. I can think of no other existence than what I have now.

Well, maybe a published book or two. I think she would like that.

Hack Writer: He he he!

Wife Unit: And it has a lot of sex in it!

Hack Writer: He he he! I intentionally went out of the way to be provocative.

Wife Unit: And your main character is crazy!

Hack Writer: He he he!

Hack Writer: So blogging this.

Wife Unit: …

Hack Writer: He he he! It’s the little things that count.

I glance over at The Wife Unit. She is closing some YA Fantasy novel. Then she glares at me!

“What?”

“You writers! With your cliffhangers! I am annoyed.”

“Ha. Well, are you annoyed that you will never read that author’s books again, or annoyed that you have to wait until the next book comes out?”

“This is the next book! It’s in hardcover.”

“Are you going to buy the next book or not?”

“Yes.”

“Well, the author wins. He wins writing. You are annoyed only in that you don’t have the next book in the series. Ha ha ha!”

“Grrrrr!”

“I am so blogging this.”

“Grrrrr!”

Not because I’m sad, but because allergies suck, my eyes water. So consider this the Crying Blog. Only, um, I’m not dressed as a woman. Because that would make you laugh and I am already funny looking as it is.

Yesterday, as I was brushing my teeth before bed (mmm, mint), I was thinking of a scene where two people are talking while brushing their teeth. How would the dialog actually go? After all, these two have toothbrushes stuffed in their mouths. Why are they brushing their teeth together? Are they lovers? Married lovers? Comfortable roommates? Sisters? And what type of dialog would be important enough to have someone brush their teeth and talk at the same time? Are these sisters talking about their boyfriends? What would be the conflict? Obviously, brushing together has some type of familiarity, otherwise…

And that is when it hits me.

I am a man obsessed: obsessed by writing, by telling a story through writing.

Writing invades my thoughts constantly. Even when I talk to The Wife Unit, God help me. For example, today, there is some roof guy coming out to look at our roof. We think one of the skylights may be leaking. Because that is what skylights do in the Pacific Northwest, other than letting in cloud-filtered light in the winter.

Anyway, she’s talking to me about the roof. This is serious business. If you own your own home, the roof has to be good. Or you are screwed. But I digress. One ear is listening to The Wife Unit. But I am also thinking about a different roof problem. What if the roof guy, just minding his own business, discovers the leak is caused by a hole. A rock sized hole. And there, in the attic, is a rock.

From space. But he doesn’t know that.

He picks it up. There is a symbol on this rock. He shrugs, puts it in his pocket, and fixes the roof with a patch, some felt and three new shingles. That will be $300 ma’am, have a nice day. You sure are cute, but I see the gun safe so the husband has the potential to take any flirty banter the wrong way, so I’ll just be polite. Man I love an hour-and-a half of work for $300.

The roof guy leaves. He puts the rock in his toolkit; he assumes it came from one of the windstorms. He forgets about the rock.

But the rock hasn’t forgotten about him!

My entire day goes like this.

In a way, I feel I am blessed. For one, The Wife Unit has yet to hit me on the head with a heavy steel cooking pan (one wonders if she has thought about this, however). I could also have worse obsessions, like 17-22 year old baristas at the coffee shop. Er, wait. I could have worse obsessions, but sometimes I wish writing was less like a sneeze. Once the sneeze starts, you just gotta let it out. Otherwise, it comes across as a chocking snort that doesn’t feel good, rattles your head, and gives you a headache.

Ah-choo!

Bless you!

Thank you, I am. I really really am, and I smile everyday my fingers touch the keyboard.