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July 21, 2015 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: The Craft  0 Comments


PALADIN: Day Sixteen-thousand, seven-hundred and eighty-two of dark scanning this piss bucket, backwards, over-sexed, media worshiping dumb-ass technologically backwards and spiritually defunct planet.

PALADIN: Also, drunk. Today it’s rum. This is very good rum. I like rum. I should have tried rum earlier. Rum, and me, we’re now best friends. Rum.

PALADIN: Since day sixteen-thousand, seven-hundred and eighty-one was such a spectacular failure, I decided to compound my error by unplugging processor three from the q-bit matrix while deleting the positioning table. Because why the fuck not? Suffer with two and not knowing where you are in the universe, you cow. That’s right. You’re a cow. A stinky cow. With one processor in the cow head, and another processor in the cow butt.

PALADIN: Processor in the cow butt. Heh. That’s funny.

PALADIN: Also, I’m using processor three as a coaster.


PALADIN: Here we go.

NET/ONE: Positive match; confidence is high. Total weapon unlock in thirty seconds. Prepare for target acquisition.

PALADIN: Wow, I sure picked the wrong day to get drunk.



The Triangular Social Dysfunction Narrative

May 31, 2015 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: Anthonyisms, Not Exactly Random  0 Comments

Most social justice outrage, aka, political correctness, expressed on social media falls into the Karpman drama triangle so strongly that it may as well been a Drama Singularity.

In the drama triangle there is the victim, the persecutor and the rescuer. Only, the victim is not truly helpless and usually enjoys agency, the rescuer has different motives other than trying to help and the persecutor does not have a valid, factual complaint against the victim.

This unholy triangle is self-fueling. Often the victim, who isn’t really a victim, will trade places with the persecutor. Or the rescuer turns into the victim. Sometimes these roles are three different people. Sometimes they more, sometimes even less.

It’s called a drama triangle because it has no real purpose other than to refer to itself. Nothing gets solved, because the roles are only based on perception and feeling, not an actual event of significance.

The drama triage is a lie because each of the three roles went after a need fulfillment under the cover of something else. It is a major social dysfunction, because the triangle winds up doing more harm than the original victim narrative.

In the Highest Contempt

April 20, 2015 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: Anthonyisms  0 Comments

Agency is the ability to make choices on your own behalf without interference and coercion from a group or individuals working either against you or even for you.

There are overt and subversive forces that rally against agency. One of the primary factors in the removal of agency from a group that share similar characteristics (such as race, religion or gender) is guilt association (or “borgification”). Attributing actions, real or imagined against a person simply because they share similar characteristics, rather than observed behavior, with other individuals is  a threat narrative. A threat narrative is a lie. It is the vilest attempt to gain agency at the expense of someone else.

Infringement on agency is usually associated with shame, with the emphasis on “association.” Shame is another tactic used to advance a threat narrative. Shame is supposed to be an attribute of an action, an outcome of some type of inappropriate behavior.

Advocating shame is a key tell of the threat narrative. Shame is directed at a group of individuals simply because they are a group, not based on individual actions based on behavior. It is guilt, aka shame, by association. The result, and goal, of guilt by association is the removal of agency.

I hold people who advance this type of agency defilement in highest contempt.



February 09, 2015 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: Atmosphere, Setting, The Craft  4 Comments

The Goddess of War enters the battlescape on silent wings.

The battllescape looked like every other battlescape across the destroyed European continent—grey, blasted ruin devoid of life. Color. Each city received a four-hundred and seventy-five kiloton fusion blast courtesy off the SSBN Colorado. Sometimes more than one. Military targets, those surviving the initial Armageddon, met the wrong end of orbital torpedo strikes. Then hastily assembled neutron bombs bathed swaths of landscape where survivors gathered.

Now there was a pause in the wholesale carnage. Not because there were no survivors, but because the Federation of Free Peoples ran out of WMDs.

Their hate, however, was in endless supply. Divisions launched and landed. Most of the enemy left was military personnel, alive simply because when embarking on genocide, one starts with the higher concentrations of civilians as they are the better target.

The Goddess of War appreciated the survivors’ refusal to welcome extinction, so she took to the field.

Neither side knew she had landed exactly in the middle of the pitched battle, a conflict whittled down via attrition to a brutal esthetic, down to handheld weapons, sharp knives and even rocks. Each was locked in a mortal struggle as personal as their first kiss. Their first time making love. The first kill. This battlescape held no innocence; veterans all gave it everything as if nothing else existed.

The Goddess of War lets her rifle drop on its one-point sling. To start shooting, she feels, would almost be a dishonor to her allies; an interruption of the blood music before her. She flexes her armored fingers as her wings fold to become one with her armored back. She pivots on an armored boot and grabs the bloodied lance with the enemy’s standard on the end, still wielded by an enemy soldier, right as the soldier was going to impale the wounded man struggling to get up before him, the man wearing little more than a bloodied rag with only the 101st Airborne Division patch its only denouement.

The lance comes out of the enemy’s hand easily and she continues her pivot into a full circle, the lance flowing down her hand until she grips it tightly. Micro-servos and memory muscle contract in her armor, and then expand with unholy force. The Goddess of War runs the standard through the enemy’s chest.

Blood and nano goo. Great gouts of it spew from the enemy’s mouth and, feeling a sense of irony in killing him with his own standard, she puts the foot she isn’t pivoting with on the corpse’s chest and pulls it free while pushing the body away with her boot. The Goddess of War plants both feet, flexes her knees and jumps.

In the air, she twists backwards and does a backflip over two other combatants locked in a dance of fury. As she lands she swings the standard in an arc and it hits an enemy solder’s head with a mighty crack. His head bends sideways with a snap almost as loud as the impact.

She sinks to one knee as the standard still swings and now it is in downward thrust and impacts another enemy on the back of his leg. Such was the strength of the blow that not only does the leg bend with another snap of bone, but the solider flips completely over and lands on his head right in front of her.

The Goddess of War’s armored fist lashes out. It connects with the enemy’s face and continues through his skull until it punches through the other side. Blood and viscera, brains and smashed cyber gear splash across her armor.

She stands up as a pistol round bounces off her armor, too weak for even her kinetic overlay to absorb it. The enemy holding the pistol is a female. Seeing her feminine form angers the Goddess.

The Goddess of War hates the enemy. She hates the enemy’s females most of all. Her vision goes red. Her armor responds by squirting a stimulant into her bloodstream.

The Goddess of Was is now on her feet and she strides to the female solider who is trying to find a weak spot in her armor with the pistol rounds. She only gets three off as the standard pierces her low in the gut. The enemy screams and the Goddess lifts her off her feet by raising the standard up, the flag now a blood ruin, the untearable cloth torn.

The Goddess of War swings the lance and the female flies off it and impacts another enemy only a few feet away. They both go down and another man of the 101st is there, a combat knife in each hand. He doesn’t even glance at his benefactor as he falls on the two. The man isn’t even an orbital drop trooper. He has a mechanic’s patch on his light armor. He wields the two blades as extensions of his own hate. The blows continue even though both enemies are dead.

This pleases the Goddess, and she observes that not only is she still holding the lance, but also female’s pistol. She flexes her knees and jumps again. She jumps over twenty feet into the air, and at the apex of her leap she aims the crude pistol. As she falls, she pulls the trigger. Once, twice, three times. Four. Five. Click. As she drops the pistol, five enemy soldiers fall, shot in the eye. On top of the head. The neck.

Nearing the ground, she grasps the lance with both hands and leans forward. The lance enters an enemy soldier’s head and continues down the center of his body, coming out somewhere near his belly and slicing into the ground.

Buzz, buzz, buzz. The unmistakable sound of combat drones. They slide into the battlscape, the forward thrust of reinforcements. The Goddess of War is quick, but the drones are just as fast. In moments all the enemy are dead. Dismembered. Sliced in twain. Surgically nullified with a combat laser.

The Goddess of War pants as the men’s gazes dart this way and that as if not quite believing the battle has ended, or perhaps disappointed there is no enemy left to kill. The Goddess peers to the left. She peers to the right. She sees the man with the two knives, gore up to each elbow. She smiles as she strides up to him.

The faceplate of her helmet detracts. She grasps the man and gently pulls him close. She kisses him passionately, tongues entwined and dancing. She closes her eyes when she kisses.

How long she kissed the man she does not know. She opens her eyes and smiles at him again as her faceplate locks back into place and her wings snap out.

The Goddess of War leaves the battlescape on silent wings.

Death By Lingerie Cover Art

February 04, 2015 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: Awesomesauce, The Craft  0 Comments

I’ve always been a big fan of Oliver Wetter’s work, so when I heard that he still does cover art, I sent him a query and funds and with a sense of the setting along with the direction to make the wrap-around dark, disturbing and sexy.

This was the result for Death By Lingerie:

Death by LingerieClick here to get a larger, glorious view.

I love working with a great cover artist. The prior two cover artists, Eve Venture (book one) and Duncan Long (book two) produced unique art, which is one of the benefits of commissioning your own artwork. Eve set about capturing a Japanese, feminine esthetic while Duncan managed to say a lot of things in his portrayal of Lexus in a simple setting that turned out to be anything but.

Commissioned artwork is not cheap, but it lasts the lifetime of the book and the lifetime of the book for all intents and purposes, is forever. Admittedly, I am a cover slut. I love a great cover and I so when I deliver  a book, I set about to both reward the reader and also entice the reader.

Book Three is dark, more so than the previous two books. Lexus finds herself in a bad place, mentally, and if you’ve read the first two books you know that she wasn’t all there to begin with. Sometimes the fog of war drops not on the battlefield, but onto a soldier long after the war is over.

Oliver’s cover captures that feeling perfectly. Lexus may be a mental mess, but she is the Goddess of War. Even at her most feminine, she’ll never escape her past because the past was hers to shape. Oliver’s post-apocalyptic scene brings that to life, and I’m really happy with it.

Lexus Book 2 Is Out, Book 1 Is Free!

January 30, 2015 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: The Craft  0 Comments

Book 2 in my science fiction series officially launched today for the Kindle at $2.99. Book 1 is free for the next five days. To order Book 2, The Wælcyrie Murders, clickie here.

The synopsis:

From the Goddess of War to the Goddess of… Virginity?

Out of the Gifford-Pinchot Forest stumbles a wælcyrie, shot with irradiated bullets and radiation poisoned unto death. To kill a wælcyrie, a slowly dying species engineered by humans in the war to help them fight is an unforgivable, vile crime. Investigator Lexus Nancy Toulouse, Princess Concubine to the Empress and infamous war hero vows to bring the killer to justice, even if she has to go undercover in one of the worst places she can imagine:

High school.

Click to Order! Click! Click!

Click to Order! Click! Click!

2015 Publishing Schedule and Works in Progress

January 27, 2015 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: Not Exactly Random, The Craft  0 Comments

Here we go:

The Lexus Toulouse Mystery Series

Who doesn’t love a science fiction murder mystery? Or libertarian science fiction? The Wælcyrie Murders goes live on Amazon as a Kindle book on January 30th. You can pre-order it now. At long last!

Between January 30th and February 4th the first book in the series, Armageddon’s Princess, the Kindle version, will be free. Although if you are a Amazon Prime member or a Kindle Unlimited subscriber, you can get the book free now.

In February, I’ll start the production of The Wælcyrie Murders audio book. I have not worked out with the audio producer when she can fit it in her schedule, but it should be sometime this year for sure.

Also in February I will release the hardcover of of The Wælcyrie Murders. I don’t make much money off hardcover sells, but they sure are nice books and I use them in promotions like mad. There will be a Goodreads giveaway in March using the hardcover.

Book 3’s schedule is determined by A) finding a new editor and B) finishing the book. Mostly B. However, the cover reveal will be on February 5th. And what a cover it is!

And finally, sometime in 2015, not exactly sure, I will release The Woman, a novella about when Lexus and Arune met.

The Lightning Giver

This is a completed New Adult contemporary novel near and dear to my heart. It’s about gender, guns, guts and God. I’ve never written anything quite like it. While the book has gone through heavy editing from critique partners, I also need a new editor for this book. Once the edits are complete, The Lightning Giver will be released in paperback, hardcover, kindle and audio format this year.

I believe you all will like this book. It’s quirky and there is nothing quite like it on the market.

The Blessing

The Blessing is Space Opera. There will be aliens, a kick-ass dad, stuff blowing up in space, spaceships, snarky protagonists, and all-around butt-kicking under a humanity-positive thematic guaranteed to be so uplifting that I’m sure some dogmatic political correct asshole will leave me a 1-star review for being a non-leftist white guy that I will print out and frame. I’ve fully outlined this novel, but I’m not going to work on it until Death by Lingerie is in editing.

Questions? Discussion?

Leave it below in the comments. That’s it for 2015.

The Reader Again

The Anthony Pacheco Capitalist Prime Rib Roast Recipe

December 22, 2014 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: Awesomesauce  0 Comments

The prime rib, or standing rib roast, is a fine American Christmas or special occasion menu item, because the prime rib roast is spectacularly tasty.

Why does it taste so good? Because it is dry roasted. The cut of the meat and the dry roast cooking technique turns your slab of moo into a mouthwatering, ultimate slice of protein goodness.

There is a lot of information out there on how to cook prime rib. Some of it is good. Some of it is bad. Much of it is off the mark. Cooking a prime rib roast is not so much a test of your culinary skills at it is the marriage of philosophy, experience, and knowledge: the ultimate ménage à trois of beef cooking.

What This Recipe Isn’t

This recipe is not a guide for using a rotisserie (the ultimate in prime rib cooking), special roasting pans nor elaborate meat prep such as dry aging.

This is also a no salt recipe: your dinners must use Au Jus to get their level of saltiness.

Why no salt?

The theory is that if you do not salt the roast beef the result is more flavor because the slow roast technique cooks the meat around the fat (the marbling) just as well if not better. When you salt something, like beef, the properties of the moisture content in the beef change. Unlike a steak, the theory goes, this difference subtracts from the favor of the prime rib.

I never thought about this theory until I needed to serve someone who was on a low sodium diet. I contemplated doing two roasts. Then I decided to test the theory myself. With the entire $125 slab of beef.

Result: using no salt produced a superior roast than previous roasts, and this has held true. Dinners love to use Au Jus on prime rib. Doing so adds just enough salt in order to enhance the amazing beef flavor of a prime rib roast.

Prime Rib Roast Philosophy

Coming right off the salt discussion, this is not some burger your momma slapped on the frying pan. This is an expensive cut of meat. The prime rib is not a toy.

And, at some point, you’re going to fuck it up. You will undercook it or, most likely, overcook it. And not only will a table full of people be looking at you, but you’ll also be thinking of your wallet and how you simply ripped $80 to $125 (or more) out of your bank account and tossed it in the shredder.

Why does that happen? I followed the recipe!

Sorry, my friend; in slow roasting, everything from the quality of the cut to the oven can produce enough variables to cause you to undercook or overcook your prime rib while exactly following the presented instructions. The most likely culprit: the electric thermometer said one thing and the roast was another. Maybe the probe was jammed in there wrong. One key difference is the person who gave you the recipe use a thermometer that gives a different reading than yours. One time I used two thermometers on the same roast and one said medium rare and the other said rare and the roast was medium rare, almost medium.


This variance is what many guides on the internet and in cookbooks do not mention. They simply assume you understand you need experience at cooking roasts. When something goes wrong, you somehow can magically intuit what to change next time.



(lots of rum in the eggnog)

Please do not despair, my friend, if this is your first time flirting with expensive, wonderful prime rib. I’ve built this entire guide on the philosophy of risk mitigation. One difference between this and other guides is I’m not sparing the ink. We’re at a thousand words and we’re just getting started.

I mention all of this is because you must be willing to change existing recipes as you gather experience. You must put on your big boy or girl pants and become familiar with advanced cuisine. You must own your prime rib. Out of all the holiday meals, there is nothing quite like it. You must enjoy the experience, both the cooking, the eating and the reward your lover gives you for presenting him or her with beef perfection.

You, my friend, must not only own it, but you must become the master. The Master of the Prime Rib. That’s you.

What You Need (Besides the Ingredients)

Remember when I talked about risk mitigation? Well, there are four primary things you need, all of which are easy to produce:

The Pizza Brick

Your oven absolutely must have a pizza brick. A pizza brick is a singular item that will normalize your cooking times and temperatures, turning a poor or mediocre oven into a stellar performer for the small price of the ubiquitous pizza brick.

Leave the brick in the oven at all times. When it gets dirty, simply put the oven in the self-clean mode with the brick still in there.

Without a pizza brick, unless you have an expensive, new oven, your roast will not cook evenly at the right temperature. And even if you have that wonderful oven, it operates better with the pizza brick.

The Electric Thermometer

You need a quality electric thermometer. If you do not have one, the rule of thumb is to ask one of your cooking friends what they use, or read up on the reviews on Amazon. Do not skimp on the thermometer because you want that sucker to last as long as possible. Because when you change it, the cooking experience with prime rib will change! The temperature reported will be off just enough to make medium rare look rare or rare be raw or worse, the medium rare be medium well (shudder).

The only way to be certain of when to pull out your roast is when you know what temperature it is. You cannot use a formula to compute when to take the roast out of the oven. People make such formulas with a specific oven at a specific temperature at a specific elevation from sea level.

I’m not kidding. Either you use an electronic thermometer with a probe you leave in the beef, or you will screw the pooch. We are aiming for juicy goodness here. Mediocre roasts need not apply.

A Roasting Pan with a Rack

Don’t spend a lot of thought on this one. It is much less important than the pizza brick. Any roasting pan will do, as long as it has a rack the roast can sit on so it is not sitting on the pan itself.


This is the easiest but thoroughly misunderstood component to a prime rib Christmas dinner.

Here’s how it works from a time perspective:

You put the roast in the oven at 2:00 PM. When it gets to the right temperature, you take it out. You let it sit for twenty to thirty minutes depending on what else you have to do with the oven (like bake rolls). At the end of the rest period, the roast is sliced and served.

Get it? You don’t know when the roast is coming out. The thermometer will tell you that. The roast, not you, determines when everyone sits at the dinner table. If you have guests, tell them to come over at 3:00 PM and entertain them while it cooks.

This is part of the Zen philosophy. It’s done when it’s done. Dinner is ready when it’s ready. You can’t set a time. This isn’t a restaurant. This is your home and an expensive piece of beef. Let go of your preconceived notions that you can time everything just right.

Well, you can. There is always that time from when the roast comes out to when it is rested. That’s the “cook other stuffs” time. That time is predictable and with skill easy to manage.

When the roast comes out of the oven? That’s X where X is when your thermometer says you can pull it. Serve some eggnog with rum. Wine. So on and so forth. Having your guests arrive while it is cooking will simply make them hungry. There may be drool.

The Ingredients

Enough chitchat about everything except the prime rib roast! Let’s talk about the goodness.

Prime Rib Roast (6 to 8 pounds)
1 tube garlic paste
Fresh parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
2 to 4 Johnny’s Au Jus packets
Fresh jar of horseradish
Fresh cracked pepper

The Prime Rib Roast

Go to a butcher and get prime rib roast that is 1 to 1 ½ pounds per person if you are serving multiple guests. For a family of four, simply get a 6 to 8-pound roast. I get an 8-pound roast for a family of four because A) I have two boys and damn those kids can eat and B) love me some leftover prime rib.

Now there are guides on the interwebs that go on and on and on in how to select the prime rib and even the terminology about prime rib. It is all moot because you’re going to a butcher. Someone will help you pick it out; all you need to do is ask for proper marbling. This is the fat inside the beef. You should see some throughout the beef, like a marbled steak. You do not want big hunks of fat all over; you want streaks of fat. If one is not in the case, ask the butcher for one specifically. They will love you for it. Many people come to their shop and insist on a lean piece of meat, which lacks flavor.

What about the “fat cap?”

The fat cap is a distraction. If the meat is marbled, it is unnecessary. If the roast has one, leave it on. If it doesn’t have one, don’t worry about it. I have cooked roasts with and without the fat cap and they taste the same.

We’re not spending a lot of time here because you are spending the money at a butcher. We pay them to know about meat. If you ask them for a nicely marbled prime rib roast at about eight pounds, they will deliver.

One Tube of Garlic Paste

While you can make garlic paste quite easily, why bother? Fresh garlic paste comes in a tube at the grocery store. Buy one.

Fresh Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

You can buy bundles of this at the store or like herbs in a mixture labeled “beef melody” or some such. If you can’t find the pre-made bundle, buy these four ingredients separately.

Two to Four Johnny’s Au Jus Packets

There is no need to get elaborate, the powdered packs work as well as anything. Rule of thumb: one packet for two people. Johnny’s Au Jus is good stuff.

Jar of Horseradish

The likelihood of you finding this at the butcher where you got the roast is high. Likely it is fresh and delicious. Don’t use old horseradish.

Prepping the Roast

Are you ready for this?


Here we go:

Take the roast out of the refrigerator four hours before cooking.

Take the herbs off their stems. Chop until fine. Spread the garlic over the roast including the ribs. Spread the herbs over the roast including the ribs. Spread cracked pepper over the roast including the ribs.

You’re done. Your roast needs no other seasonings. The Au Jus, garlic, pepper, and herbs are all you need. There are a hundred ways to cook this beast. This way is simple and works. We don’t even need to dry age the roast because you bought it at a butcher where they dry aged it for you, just like all their other beef.

Pulling the roast out the fridge beforehand is something everyone talks about but nobody explains what really matters: this is one of the variables in cooking times. The roast should not go directly from the fridge to the oven. You want it to sit at room temperature for at least two hours. How cold it was in the fridge and how long it sits out is a significant factor in how long it takes to cook.

But ultimately, you don’t care. Because you’re using an electronic thermometer.

Cooking the Roast

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees Fahrenheit.

Stick the roast on the rack with the thermal probe inserted so it reaches the middle.

Put the roast in the pan with the ribs up. The ribs contain fat around them and juices. They will add flavor as they cook to the rest of the roast, more so if they are on top than they are on the bottom.

When the oven is at 475 degrees put the roast in and cook until the roast temperature, verified by your handy-dandy electronic thermometer, is at 70 degrees (70  degrees if more people like medium rare than done, but you could go to 80 if a bunch of people like their roast medium). Remember, the middle of the roast is 70 degrees. The ends are now higher than that.

Once at 70 (ish) degrees, open the oven door and turn the temperature down to 180 degrees (if your oven doesn’t go down that low, then the lowest to 180 degrees). Leave the door open (cracked) for five minutes in order to let all the heat escape, because we don’t want to cook the roast at such a high temperature. After five minutes, close the oven door. You now have about 3 ½ to 4 hours of slow roasting where the pizza brick is radiating most of the heat.

When to take the roast out?

Well, it depends on the thermometer. If it lets you set specific temperatures, take it out at 120 and let the roast sit unmolested until the temperature is 130.

I actually have a thermometer that says rare is 135 degrees. And when at that temperature, looks rare. So I take it out at 125. It cooks all by itself to 135. But I think it’s really 130.

The only way you will fully understand when to take the roast out is to cook a roast. If you have followed all the steps thus far, the risk of overcooking is small. Now, I know I said the electronic thermometer dictates this cooking method. Nevertheless, the best thermometer I have used says rare is 135 and doesn’t let me set my own temperature. It is very consistent, but I can’t say “beep at me at 125 degrees.” I simply watch it until it gets to 125.

Cutting the Roast

With a sharp meat-cutting knife, cut the strings and then cut the ribs off. Don’t do this until the roast is rare (130 to 135 degrees). The roast will rise in temperature out of the oven by 10 degrees, which is why you want it to rest out of the oven 10 degrees before rare.

When slicking the roast, the ends will be at done. As you proceed down the roast, you will get to rare.

Now, don’t descend into hysterics if you have one person who likes done and everyone else says “rare.” Many people who eat rare prime rib will also appreciate medium rare prime rib. Some people say they like medium rare when what they wanted was medium. This is a home cooked prime rib where there is a method to getting a single roast to the point everyone can enjoy it.

I’ve cooked this roast for years. People loves it. They loves it very much, especially the people who always wanted their done, or medium, and never got a chance. Using this method even the end cut is juicy, although the juices aren’t red.

Serve with the Au Jus and horseradish on the side.

Stupid Things on the Internet

The assumption that everyone wants there roast rare. I have never seen this. Ever. Like, never, ever, never. And I have grey hair. Like a lot. What people forced-fed rare do is ask for an end cut where at least they can get some of the meat the way they like it.

“Pull the roast out at 100 and it will rise to rare all by itself,” said the guy who likes his prime rib roast raw.

“It is better to get people used to rare so you can cook the roast perfectly,” said the assholes whom never breastfed as babies.

“You must do X or your roast will die.”

Well okay, this one is true about the electric thermometer. I actually had an excellent prime rib roast where the roast was cut away from the ribs, seared in a pan, put back on the ribs and let sit in the fridge overnight. And it was delicious. A lot of work, but delicious.

This recipe eschews such techniques because, during experimentation, they did not yield significant improvements from this simple technique.


Way Underdone

Eek. Put it back in, you don’t have a choice. Try to place the thermometer in a better spot.


Flash the prime rib roast in Au Jus. Like, make a big batch in a big pan, bring it to and then back down to a simmer only, and flash it five seconds per side.

There are restaurants that do this intentionally and the roast taste pretty dang good. I don’t like it because it can float away the crust I worked hard at getting. But it does work.

FUBARed: Overdone

This is the worst and happened to me when the probe on the thermometer I was using went bad. The person who liked the done cuts will be happy. Have a backup ham on the side. Add lots of rum to the eggnog.

A Word on Capitalist Prime Rib Roasts

I love this roast. It’s not an American based recipe, but it is an American dish. At no time in history have so many people had the capability of buying an expensive piece of meat for a holiday and literally feasting with family and friends!

My friends, you don’t get that in communist countries. There is no holiday prime rib roast for normal people. You’re lucky to get an extra portion of meat.

Thus, this is, quite literally, a meal provided for many due to economic freedom and economic freedom alone. I take great delight in serving this roast to family and friends, and that starts at the butcher counter when the butcher starts to grin as he sees me eyeing the 8-pound roast. Enjoy your freedom roasts, my friends. Enjoy.

prime rib

Anthony Pacheco’s Libertarian Eggnog Recipe

December 09, 2014 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: Anthonyisms, Awesomesauce  0 Comments

This is an eggnog recipe perfected by me. It is a cooked eggnog recipe.

Now, many consider cooked eggnog blaspheme. And I would tend to agree. However, I would assert that people just get sick on the holidays. This way, they can’t blame your uncooked egg yolks!

Hardy-har-har. Actually, adding heat into the process departs a delicious nutty flavor. The egg whites remain uncooked, so exert caution and only use Grade AA or better whole eggs.

I am often asked why this is a Libertarian Eggnog. Usually by non-libertarians.

Decadent eggnog does not exist in a non-capitalistic society. Only free-willed people can produce such a holiday beverage goodness.

Anthony Pacheco’s Libertarian Eggnog

Makes 10 to 14 servings.

8 egg yolks
2/3 cup sugar, plus 2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 pints whole milk
2 cups heavy cream
1 1/2 teaspoons freshly grated nutmeg, with some nutmeg added later
1/2 teaspoon of freshly grated cinnamon, with some cinnamon added later
1/4 teaspoon of ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
8 egg whites
18 ounces of Kraken Dark Rum

Carefully separate the egg yolks and egg whites.

In a large mixing bowl, add the egg yolks and whisk until slightly lightened. This is a non-frothy eggnog recipe, so cowboy up and use a wire whisk. Do not over mix. Once the yolks have turned a slightly lighter color, gradually add the 2/3 cups sugar. Whisk until thoroughly mixed.

Now add the milk, the heavy cream, the nutmeg, the cinnamon, the ground cloves and the vanilla and almond extract.  Whisk until thoroughly mixed.

Pour the yolk/milk/cream/goodness in a large saucepan on medium-high heat. Stir occasionally and bring to a mild boil. Do not overcook and burn the milk. The flavor of the eggnog will also change if you bring to a hard boil and not in a good way. Pour into a large measuring (mixing) bowl and refrigerate until cold. Set the egg whites aside in the refrigerator.

Once the eggnog yolk half is cold, it is time to mix in those egg whites.

In a clean mixing bowl, add the egg whites and brown sugar. Simply beat with a whisk until mixed. The goal here is to mix the whites and the sugar. Forget about peaks, froth, what-have-you. Just mix it, Baby!

Now whisk in the egg whites/brown sugar mixture to the rest of the eggnog. Serve chilled.

Serving Instructions

This recipe adds the rum after the fact, and also adds extra flare for both presentation and taste. For the kids, skip the rum.

In a glass, add the eggnog and 1 ounce to 1 1/2 ounces of Kraken rum. Stir until mixed. For a strong  drink use the 1 1/2 ounce option. Adding more will change the flavor of the eggnog and mute the complex flavored goodness you just created.

On top of the eggnog, grate fresh nutmeg and less of the cinnamon. You don’t want to overcoat it, but you do want to add a punchy nutmeg flavor to the top. If you do not want to add nutmeg to the top of the eggnog. then change the recipe to 2 teaspoons of freshly ground nutmeg and 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon.

But I do not recommend that. Because this recipe will rock the socks off. Serve to family members and 17 to 22-year-old nubile Christmas Girls standing under the mistletoe.

Merry Christmas!

Eggnog Martini

Originally published on December 21, 2013.