One day I was talking to a young friend of mine. She was wondering when would be a good time to start a family. She and her husband wanted to travel and do couple things.
What, I wondered, should I tell her? Sometimes, more often than people like to admit, a couple doesn’t get to pick a time. Sometimes there just is, but on the flip side, sometimes there is nothing.
The nothing stretches on. It can stretch on for months.
The dirty little secret. Sometimes, you don’t get to pick. Sometimes, you just can’t. Sometimes you need help. Help that can take months.
I know this lesson well, but what could I say to my friend?
In the end, I told the truth. I begged her to consider her youth might be the only thing that would give her a family. That 30 could be 35 in a blink of an eye. Or 40. Or never.
Don’t play the odds.
Make the odds.
Sometimes, a value judgment is more than the courage of our convictions. Sometimes it is a way past a cold, uncaring, pile of noise. Life matters, and love is not a series of check marks. It’s a wonderful bundle of chaos, but while parts of it can grow, other parts can fade, lost in the relentless march of time.
The value judgment. Making a decision with limited data based on one’s values. The rational mind rebels against such actions. But life depends on these values.