Comments on: A New Book Opening

By: J.C

J.C — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 01:34:37 +0000

yipee!

By: Anthony

Anthony — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:50:35 +0000

“My PTSD therapist told me, before he died and broke my heart, that, despite my aggressive desire for justice and a physiological and pathological need for constant sex, I was a caring, nurturing woman.

Then he died and for some reason, I could not cry at his funeral, and I never forgave myself.”

Almost done proofreading.

By: J.C

J.C — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 05:07:52 +0000

I’m still waiting to read the intro for your last novel, though admittedly you’ve got me interested

By: Anthony

Anthony — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 04:42:51 +0000

Yeah, there is something stylistically off with the sentence structure, but I am unsure what direction to go… for now.

By: Anthony

Anthony — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 04:41:04 +0000

I am somewhat confused by your comment, Annie.

By: Anthony

Anthony — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 04:38:25 +0000

(blush)

By: Annie

Annie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:17:14 +0000

Man, what a way to deflate the excitement of starting a new project.

By: Lady Glamis

Lady Glamis — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:05:04 +0000

Brilliant, Anthony. I like it the way it is. Shows a certain style.

By: iapetus999

iapetus999 — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 01:55:16 +0000

Not sure the “my lover…ago” phrase is necessary. Or the name. And I think you need a “that” in there.

I’m thinking either
The lover I had a fling with seven months ago just told me she was pregnant with my child–a pretty neat trick considering that I’m a woman
or
My ex-lover just told me she was pregnant with my child–a pretty neat trick considering that I’m a woman

That first comma or two just kills the flow of the sentence.

BUT
that said, it totally makes me want to read the next sentence, so good job!