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9 comments on: A New Book Opening

  1. iapetus999 February 4, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    Not sure the “my lover…ago” phrase is necessary. Or the name. And I think you need a “that” in there.

    I’m thinking either
    The lover I had a fling with seven months ago just told me she was pregnant with my child–a pretty neat trick considering that I’m a woman
    or
    My ex-lover just told me she was pregnant with my child–a pretty neat trick considering that I’m a woman

    That first comma or two just kills the flow of the sentence.

    BUT
    that said, it totally makes me want to read the next sentence, so good job!

    • Anthony February 4, 2010 at 8:42 pm

      Yeah, there is something stylistically off with the sentence structure, but I am unsure what direction to go… for now.

  2. Lady Glamis February 4, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    Brilliant, Anthony. I like it the way it is. Shows a certain style.

    • Anthony February 4, 2010 at 8:38 pm

      (blush)

  3. Annie February 4, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    Man, what a way to deflate the excitement of starting a new project.

    • Anthony February 4, 2010 at 8:41 pm

      I am somewhat confused by your comment, Annie. 🙂

  4. J.C February 4, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    I’m still waiting to read the intro for your last novel, though admittedly you’ve got me interested

    • Anthony February 5, 2010 at 10:50 am

      “My PTSD therapist told me, before he died and broke my heart, that, despite my aggressive desire for justice and a physiological and pathological need for constant sex, I was a caring, nurturing woman.

      Then he died and for some reason, I could not cry at his funeral, and I never forgave myself.”

      Almost done proofreading.

      • J.C February 5, 2010 at 5:34 pm

        yipee!

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