Find a Doctor with Small Hands and Other Older Guy Advice
“Ow.”
“Ow?”
“My back hurts.”
“What did you do?”
“Near as I could tell, I went to bed.”
“What, did you sleep on rocks or something?”
“No, I have a really comfortable bed.”
The barista looked at me.
I looked at the barista.
“So, how old are you?” she asked.
“How old are you?” I countered.
“Twenty.”
I sighed. “I am You Suck and Give Me My Espresso years old.”
“We sell energy drinks, too!”
Sigh.
The Wælcyries Murders
What’s that novel I finished about, anyway?
Good question.
Here’s the draft hook I came up with:
It’s been thirty-seven years, a war and over two decades of marriage since Investigator Lexus Toulouse graduated from high school, but someone murdered a wælcyrie, and the scant clue leads Lexus to go undercover at the Pacific Northwest’s premier pre-vocational school. Nano regeneration gave her the body of a teenage girl, now she needs to play the part and act like one.
She quickly finds out Portland’s Rosehill Learning and Analytics is dramatically different than her prior experience. The kids are smarter, more mature and the parents are richer. Despite her growing attachment to the teens and faculty, the burning need to solve the crime eats away at her carefully built cover. Her honor, her agency’s reputation and even her new virtue is on the line, for killing a wælcyrie, a member of an already dying race, is a terrible and evil crime.
And indications are—one of her new student friends did it. Her last murder case nearly drove her insane. This one could kill her.
Sooooooooo… besides Cassie (he he he), who wants to read it? I need to do a proof reading pass, and then it’s good to go for beta reader critique. The novel stands on its own (I think), but it is a sequel.
Ding Novel is Done
I finished my work in progress in the wee hours of the morning, The Wælcyries Murders.
What a fun novel!
The novel, according to conventional wisdom, should not be—it’s a sequel to a book I haven’t sold yet, which, according to some, isn’t a good idea.
Like much of the advice written on the Interwebs, a person has to be very careful not only consider the source, but also the context.
One reason it’s not a good idea is that your first book may never sell. Your agent or editor may also suggest changes to the first novel that render the second one invalid. Thus you’ve wasted your time.
Or have you?
I learned so much writing this novel. It took me six months to write. What did I learn in six months?
- I learned that there are tricks and techniques to writing your first novel so the second novel in the series gels and flows with the first
- I leaned about advanced characterization beyond a self-contained novel
- I learned how to write a sequel
- I learned new things about world-building and continuity
- I learned that even well respected writers and industry can over-generalize
Out of all of these points, the most valuable to me is the characterization I learned. What’s my main character’s motive, beyond solving the mystery? How does she grow? Where do the other characters fit?
This is my fourth novel I have written; with the caveat the first novel was a pure writing exercise with no basis in publishing reality. So, it’s more novel number three. I will repeat this to myself until it is true. Heh.
The first book in the series could never sell.
I can guarantee that if I do sell a book, and my publisher asks for a sequel, the process of producing that creative work will be much better. I learn by thinking about things and doing in an iterative process.
Next post I talk about the wok itself and the other things I learned.
Imaginary Conversations with My Main Character
New post over at the other shared blog:
Adventures in Writing: Imaginary Conversations with My Main Character.
Happy Bill of Rights Day!
Preamble
Congress of the United States begun and held at the City of New-York, on Wednesday the fourth of March, one thousand seven hundred and eighty nine
THE Conventions of a number of the States, having at the time of their adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added: And as extending the ground of public confidence in the Government, will best ensure the beneficent starts of its institution.
RESOLVED by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America, in Congress assembled, two thirds of both Houses concurring, that the following Articles be proposed to the Legislatures of the several States, as amendments to the Constitution of the United States, all, or any of which Articles, when ratified by three fourths of the said Legislatures, to be valid to all intents and purposes, as part of the said Constitution; viz.
ARTICLES in addition to, and Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, proposed by Congress, and ratified by the Legislatures of the several States, pursuant to the fifth Article of the original Constitution.
Amendments
First Amendment – Establishment Clause, Free Exercise Clause; freedom of speech, of the press, Freedom of Religion, and of assembly; right to petition,
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Second Amendment – Militia (United States), Sovereign state, Right to keep and bear arms.
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. [5][6]
Third Amendment – Protection from quartering of troops.
No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
Fourth Amendment – Protection from unreasonable search and seizure.
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
Fifth Amendment – due process, double jeopardy, self-incrimination, eminent domain.
No person shall be held to answer for any capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
Sixth Amendment – Trial by jury and rights of the accused; Confrontation Clause, speedy trial, public trial, right to counsel
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district where in the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.
Seventh Amendment – Civil trial by jury.
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
Eighth Amendment – Prohibition of excessive bail and cruel and unusual punishment.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
Ninth Amendment – Protection of rights not specifically enumerated in the Bill of Rights.
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
Tenth Amendment – Powers of States and people.
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.
The Christmas (Noun), Part II
Author Larry Correia published his followup to his delicious Christmas story from last year. This year, he goes to eleven!
I LOLed, I sure did. Snarf snarf snarf!
Don’t Mess with Aunt Lucinda
It’s been almost a year since I wrote this, and it still cracks me up. This is from an excerpt from my unfinished YA Novel, The Baby Dancers.
Chapter Two
***
Zeke knew there was trouble when they came down the trail and Aunt Lucinda was standing there with her hands on her hips, smiling a smirk Zeke had never seen.
They set down their jars, and Aunt Lucinda bowed to Master Ji. “Josh, Zeke, how are you today?” she said to them, giving them a little bow also.
“I am well, Aunt Lucinda,” said Josh.
“I have been enjoying this day,” said Zeke. “How are you?”
“Good.” Again, with the smirk.
Master Ji turned to Zeke. “Today’s sparring lesson…” Zeke noted the use of the word ‘lesson,’ “…will be taught by your Aunt. Zeke, you are to engage her in hand-to-hand combat. The first to yield loses.”
“What? But, but… she’s pregnant!” Zeke said. Had the adults gone crazy again?
“That is of no consequence,” Master Ji said matter-of-factly.
“I can’t hit her, what if I harmed the baby?” Zeke could not believe what was happening. It had to be a joke.
“You would hit her if she is trying to kill you. Regardless, this is an important lesson Zeke, one that your aunt approached me to implement. I do not agree with her methodology, but I do agree with her message. Prepare yourself.”
Zeke took off his sword while looking at Josh, whose eyes were as big as saucers. Zeke decided right there to use blocks. He knew that Lucinda was a marginal fighter when it came to martial arts. She was good with her sword, but her real purpose at the monastery was academic teaching—and keeping Uncle Hubert happy, it seemed. In any event, he would simply wear her out.
Then Master Ji blindfolded him.
Uh-oh, thought Zeke.
“Begin,” Master Ji said simply.
Zeke’s mind whirled, thoughts seemingly coming to him like bolts of lightning striking the trees in the valley in a storm. He heard footsteps and twisted, stepping to one side. He heard and felt a fist traveling past his head.
Zeke at that point knew he was going to lose, and take lumps. His aunt may be a marginal warrior, but she had training from the best. His brain went into overdrive. Was this a lesson on yielding to the inevitable? Should he give up now? Should he…
A sharp blow landed on his calf and he collapsed instantly, hitting the ground. He rolled.
Don’t think, act, thought Zeke.
Zeke sprung to his feet and crouched. “I am not surprised you swept me with your foot, Aunt Lucinda. I believe your ever-growing breasts have dampened your ability to hit me with your arms. Surely your swing close to your body has been hampered.”
Zeke heard a sharp intake of breath and shot his hand out now that he had a direction. Indeed, his hand connected with a breast in question. He quickly but gently squeezed it and said, “Honk honk!”
He swiftly withdrew his arm but a fist connected with his wrist. He sidestepped again, but a blow landed on his side, sending him tumbling. He twisted but not fast enough, and slammed into the ground on the same wrist. He grunted in pain.
That’s when a foot connected with his butt. He rolled but it was no use, more blows rained down on him. He tried to get up, failed, shoved back into the dirt with a mighty kick. Blindfolding him evened out their fighting abilities but he could not hit her. He could not overcome that disadvantage no matter how hard he tried.
Zeke tried to summon anger, but he found it difficult to be angry, and he did not know why. Instead, in the rain of blows and pain, he felt calm. His thoughts felt strangely dejected from the hurt he was now enduring. He was thankful she was not raining blows down on his head; otherwise, she would severely injure him.
Then he figured it out.
He took off the blindfold.
The first to yield loses. Master Ji had said. He said nothing about a blindfold. Zeke had worn it for no reason.
As he removed the cloth, a foot was traveling to his crotch. He turned to one side and grabbed it, using her momentum to throw her off balance not by pushing, which she would expect, but by pulling. Her other foot popped off the ground and she landed right on top of him, and though she was surprised, she grabbed his injured wrist and squeezed. Zeke yelped. He instantly relaxed. If she broke his wrist, his summer would be a waste.
Now Aunt Lucinda was lying on top of him, and they were nose to nose.
“I yield, Auntie Lucinda.”
She frowned, but then smiled. She made no move to get up, but she did let go of his wrist.
“Aunt Lucinda?”
“Yes?”
“I feel your baby will be the best thing that ever happened to us.”
Lucinda’s face crumpled and she started to cry.
“Oh Zeke, you always know what to say.” Then she kissed him, and just as suddenly, got up and ran off.
Zeke thought about getting up but the ground was comfortable, much more comfortable than the previous pummeling.
Master Ji came into his view on the right hand side, looking down at his face. “And what lesson did we learn today, Ezekiel?” asked Master Ji, his tone light and full of mirth.
“In battle, there are no rules. There is only the objective.”
Joshua came into view on his left side.
“What about you, Joshua? What did you learn?”
“Don’t anger a pregnant woman,” said Josh, bringing the entire week into focus.
Here I Am
On an exciting new contract, ready to kick ass, take names and chew bubble-gum, in that order.
Man, I love my job. It is the single most determent to my writing. I love writing, but my job consists of research and analysis. Some days it is difficult for me to write because my brain refuses to switch off work and switch on writing.
In other news, I hung 1200 lights on the house. My house SPARKLES damn it, it sparkles!
Regular blog posts will continue soon.
And to my blog harem: Lexus will be needing your attention in a week or two.
