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Rant

September 21, 2009 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: The Craft  3 Comments

I swear to God, if I start reading one more book with a female protagonist who:

  • Has an IQ of 36D (or)
  • Is a raving sociopath because, clearly, violence = empowerment (NOT)

I am going to take that book, drive to the God Damn rifle range, hang it from the 200 yard berm beam and shoot it full of 155 grain hollow-points at over 2,750 feet per second.

Then I will post the picture here on my blog.

Not that this will change anything, but boy-howdy, will I feel a lot better.

Maybe I should just give up on urban fantasy. Although I did like Toni Andrew’s Mercy book, so the genre can’t be a total wash.

I don’t get it. These books are written by women, with women agents, with women editors. Yet they are some of the most glaring anti-women books around.

Sigh.

Black Hills 308

Dinner Excitement in the Year 21

September 15, 2009 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: Characterization, The Craft  5 Comments

Dinner in the Toulouse poly marriage can be exciting.

Everyone at dinner thinks Papa moving in is a great idea.

Mainly because, sometimes, I am a medical mess.

Except Katie. To her, this is beyond a good idea. She looks so happy she is about to burst.

“What?” It is easy to think that Katie is a dumb blonde, rather than one of the smartest scientists ever to walk the Earth, the bio-equivalent of Albert Einstein.

Minus the crazy part. Right now, she looks like a bubblehead with a goofy grin.

“My twenty-five-ish year old evil plan is coming to a close!” She actually claps her hands.

I sigh.

“What?” asks Cazandra, looking confused.

“Babies! Milo would make a great grandfather. It’s what he wants, really, really bad,” says Kate, although it is blazingly obvious who wants the babies.

“I need to relearn how to just be a normal woman first,” I say.

“Oh! Oh! She didn’t say no!”

I roll my eyes, but then I look at everyone. “Yes. I would like to have a baby someday. Not anytime soon.” I give Kate a big grin. “Just warn me before you stick an egg up there.”

She startles as if I poked her with a shock baton. Oh my God!

“Sharon Kaitlin Toulouse! You were not planning on putting an egg in me for fertilization without me knowing about it, were you?”

“Yeeeeee…no. No, of course not.”

I reach across the table, grab her wrist and twist.

“Ow! Ow! Let go!”

“If I suddenly find myself pregnant without planning, I swear to God I will chop your hand off at this wrist and feed it to the beagle!”

“Okay! I’ll be good!”

“Swear!”

“I swear,” she says with hesitation in her voice.

I twist and pull. Her place setting crashes to the ground as she comes partially out of her seat. Everyone is looking at me with wide eyes.

“Ow! I swear I won’t impregnate you without you knowing about it first. I promise!”

I yank her all the way onto the table. Dishes and food go everywhere. I pin her hand to the table with one hand and with the other, I grab my steak knife and make a cut on her palm.

“Ahhhh!”

I stand on my chair and put a knee on her arm, and I let go. I then cut my own palm, and hiss in pain.

I grab her bloody hand and with my bloody hand, then remove my knee. I squeeze her hand tight until she cries out again.

I let go.

“There. Your promise is a blood oath. We are now blood sisters by honor and deed. The vow is set.”

Kaitlin is lying on the table, smeared with food, drink and blood soaking her clothing, and crying.

I turn to Caz.

“So, what’s for dessert?” I ask, dripping blood on the floor.

“Aaaaand that’s why you don’t fuck with the LT,” says Vash.


She’s Like the Wind

September 14, 2009 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: Not Exactly Random  0 Comments

Rest in Peace, Patrick Swayze.

Dirty Dancing did something to my hormone drenched brain when it came out. What, I don’t know. But forevermore, I had a fondness for Jennifer Grey.

We Interrupt My Man Cold

September 14, 2009 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: The Craft  1 Comment

to congratulate Carrie Harris on selling her book! Check out her blog post.

I must confess, Carrie is another person I started following on Twitter, but how (or why or when) I have no idea. Her Twilight parodies have been cracking me up, so I look forward to reading her book.

Where would a book deal be with out SPARKLE HAPPY PSYCHO CAT!?

SPARKLE HAPPY PSYCHO CAT!

Man Cold Part II

September 14, 2009 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: Not Exactly Random  0 Comments

Six months ago, I got a cold, and here I am again. Last time I was the last person in my Twitter feed to get a cold.

Now it looks like I am the first. I am the TREND SETTER!

So after reading this blog post, be sure to use Purell!

You Are the First Responder

September 11, 2009 Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: Not Exactly Random  4 Comments

On this day in the Year 2001, a group of Americans, when faced with the horror of the morning unfold, sought to do what Americans were born to do. They fought back, by themselves, against evil and tyranny of the worse sort, and they sacrificed their lives to do the right thing, even when it was the hard thing.

In this age of double-talk and other tomfoolery, in which the very language we hold dear is used to debase the individual and the righteous, there comes a time when Goodly Men and Women must take a stand against those who would use labels to define us.

Those who fought back shook off more than the enemy. At their moment of truth, these brave Americans were first responders.

You are a first responder.

If you think otherwise—your very thoughts besmirch the honor of those brave people and for you they died in vain.

For the rest of us, we remember them as we should remember them—they made the attempt and succeeded, they set a standard for which we judge all like men and women.

There comes a time where, in the midst of blood and death, we can take action and prevail.

You are a first responder. If another labels you as something different, this is where you take your first stand.