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Drive Around in Circles

February 10, 2009  Author: The Admin Category: Not Exactly Random   7 Comments

In my circle of friends, I am infamous for putting myself in strange situations, usually from a bone-headed maneuver on my part.

A couple of years ago, I bought a new SUV to replace the older one we drove into the ground with winter driving.

Now, before I am flamed for having a SUV, please note I do not live in an urban environment. There were days last year where I left the SUV in 4×4 mode rather than front wheel drive. There were days where I drove past perma-stuck all-wheel-drive station wagons without the weight or the clearance to drive forth. It is a bit more than a comparison to fire insurance on your home; I use that sucker and still do. Yesterday, I had to go 4×4 to get to the main road so I could go to work.

Then, I refuse the situation where at any given time I cannot stuff the family in the car and GTFO under any conditions, but that is a different discussion.

But I digress.

So here I am in my fancy new Ford Explorer, feeling peppy and doing about a day’s worth of errands. The SUV has an on-board computer that gives you messages. While waiting at a stoplight, I decided to see what some of them were.

Halfway through my fascinating look at how many miles I have left before the tank is empty and other such details like total driving time, the light turns green. I decide to test out the user interface and see if I can change the computer display while looking at the road.

A couple of button presses later, the display turns angry orange and tells me:

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES

Excuse me?

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES

Uh, what?

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES

Okaaaay. Obviously, I pressed something better left not pressed. I ignored the computer until my next stop, and I get out the user manual and proceed to read about the settings.

Only, there was nothing in there about that message.

I turn the SUV off and back on.

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES

I decide to ignore it. It is noon and I have about three hours to go. At home, I can just Google it.

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES

But I do not want to!

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES

An hour later:

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES

After visiting Home Depot:

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES

After picking up coffee:

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES

After picking up some things for the Wife Unit:

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES

On the way to the grocery store:

DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES

I scream. It sounds like this: “AHHHHH!’

At the grocery store parking lot, I drive to an empty area and, as I commanded, drove around in circles. I circle a big parking lot lamp. THREE TIMES.

Finally, I get the message:

COMPASS CALIBRATED

Oh.

The moral of this story?

Sometimes you have to drive around in circles.

Literally.

7 comments on: Drive Around in Circles

  1. Jaym Gates February 11, 2009 at 6:09 am

    That’s hilarious.

    I refuse to ever have one of those GPS systems in my car, I’ve had to help too many GPS-dependent people find their way somewhere because the GPS won’t talk to them right!

  2. Anthony February 11, 2009 at 7:11 am

    It is not a GPS system. It literally is a compass, and it calibrates itself so it can show you what direction you are facing.

    GPS is for people with more money than me! :-)

  3. Alex Moore February 11, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    now that is rich! what a delightful moral :P

  4. Zendo Deb February 12, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    On a boat that is the last step in calibrating the autopilot.

    Hmmmm….

    So how is the new Ford? (When it isn’t making you scream.)

    Thanks for stimulating that old economy.

    • Anthony February 14, 2009 at 10:51 am

      The modern Ford Explorer is a great SUV. Sucks gas, but it is a good 4×4, and has gotten food on the table in adverse conditions both winters.

  5. Robert February 12, 2009 at 10:50 pm

    Wonder if there is a DRIVE OFF A CLIFF message in the thing, and if you would snap and drive off a cliff if the machine nagged you enough?

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