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I assume…

August 23, 2008  Author: Anthony Pacheco Category: The Craft   7 Comments

What are your writing assumptions? I assume…

My readers are smarter than I am.

One singular grammatical error will cause my peers to taunt me.

The passive voice is a Spawn of the Devil.

Readers do not need to be spoon fed plot details.

When walking along the Maine countryside, do not read obelisks that will summon Cthulhu. Do not visit, sleep in or drive by any town Stephen King may have stayed.

Readers do not like it when you build up a steamy sex scene and then turn them away with a closed door.

Bad things happen to good people. Bad things also happen to bad people.

My readers understand the proper response to the serial killer entering your home is to shoot him with your personal sidearm.

Conflict is all. Fake conflict is insipid.

Life is sensual.

Many readers appreciate good research.

The cliché is both a festering pit and a tool.

Women readers will roll their eyes at the hot lesbian kisses. The men will think that is hot. The women will read it anyway.

Sarcasm is an appreciated art form.

Men still think of their honor.

Real equality means firearm parity.

Passive Aggressiveness is not conflict. It is just a reminder how crappy our society can get.

Justice shall not be denied.

My readers are critical thinkers.

Everyone likes a good back scratch.

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7 comments on: I assume…

  1. Nicole August 23, 2008 at 8:08 am

    My husband has a favorite saying, wants to make it a sign for our living room that will greet our visitors…”Sarcasm – just one of the many services we provide…” After all, where would this society be without a bit of irony?

    And I totally agree about the grammatical error part…I still have nightmares about the word “prairie,” which I misspelled on my college scholarship application. I got the scholarship, but almost wanted to give it back since it was an ENGLISH major scholarship…I should have been shot on sight.

    Not sure about the lesbian kisses, though…

  2. Anthony August 23, 2008 at 10:47 am

    “Not sure about the lesbian kisses, though…”

    I said you would read it, not like it! 🙂

    The experimental lesbian kiss delivered in the haunted ex-bordello turned into a Bed & Breakfast shall not be denied.

    Before you deliver the snort of distain, there actually is a haunted ex-bordello turned into a Bed & Breakfast on the Oregon Coast. I did not run into any of the reputed benign giggles or caresses (much to my dismay), but my imagination certainly ran with that. What a place of sexual energy (both good and bad) that B&B must be!

  3. David August 23, 2008 at 12:30 pm

    Okay, you simply MUST identify said B&B so we can check it out for ourselves.

  4. David August 23, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    Back on topic, I like your assumptions. Sometimes I like being spoon-fed plot details, but it rarely works very well. (I’m thinking of Dean Koontz’s more recent stuff, which just plods along so slowly because of TMI about what his characters are doing and thinking at any given moment. Blech.)

  5. Alex Moore August 24, 2008 at 10:30 am

    Your assumptions about me, the generic reader, are more revealing about you and where you’re at in your life. But because they reveal you, and through that I discover that I like you, the writer, and your assumptions about me, the reader, I also realize that I really want to read your book. So, hurry. Must get hot copy into my greedy little hands. (Do you have agents picked out? Query written?)

  6. Anthony August 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm

    Thank you Alex for your kind comments!

    I do not have an agent picked out because I do not have a product for the agent to sell. First, the book has to be finished, and then I need to print it out for The Wife Unit and four of my friends. Then if the 3-2 decision goes my way (for, in reality, I wrote the book for them), I need editing eyes ripping through the words. Then I need to make another pass through it. At that point, I have something I can show an agent.

    Agents are critically important but at the same time, agents are noise. How many new writers doom themselves to misery and angst simply because they stopped writing and started playing agent cha-cha? I want my novel so enjoyable yet thoroughly thought provoking, When an agent opens the envelope to read my query letter, a ray of sunshine falls upon the envelope, lunch turns out to be free, and the cat has emptied her own litter box that day. In addition, while this near sexual experience is going on for my beloved agent (for, a person who will make me money I truly love), I am half way done with my next book.

    I literally have twenty novels running around my head. Writing now, is pure, blatant self-defense.

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